Usher training & light brown M&Ms

By Friday, I’ll have had three tests in as many consecutive days, with a fourth test next Tuesday. In a humorous turn of events, I discovered that I had lost my notebook containing all my notes for three of those four classes, and I hadn’t studied for any of the tests yet. On the upside, this means I won’t be able to study for three of my tests, as I have nothing to study. Meanwhile, on the downside, it also means that I’ll fail all my classes, get kicked out of college and be forced to play an out-of-tune harmonica to people on the street for empty pop bottles for the rest of my life. I’d say that’s a fair trade off, as studying is lame.

Actually, I really did lose my notebook containing my notes for three of my classes. It’s hard to tell if I’m serious or not, isn’t it?

Last night I had my training for becoming an Usher at MSU’s Breslin Center. The people training us were all, “There are three rules of Ushering. Number one: Don’t tell anybody about ushering. Number two: Don’t tell anybody about ushering. And number three: If this is your first time ushering, you will be ushering tonight.” As I recall, we then had to pour lye over our hands until it scarred.

Anyway, there remains yet one more things I must say today. About five to ten years ago, the M&M company decided to add a new color M&M, and asked people to vote on which color they wanted out of the choices pink, purple and blue. Since blue is the average American’s favorite color, and since neither pink nor purple are as statistically popular, the result was, as could be predicted, that they added the blue M&M. But there’s something they didn’t tell us, those wily bastards: In the process of adding a new color, they took away light-brown. When I first opened a bag of M&Ms with the new color, I was immediately appalled. Those double-crossing hooligans had bamboozled me for the last time, I vowed. Never again would I be tricked. Never again would they take away an M&M color without asking. Damn you, blue M&M. Damn your delicious chocolaty interior and crispy outer shell.

Since then, I’ve not seen a sign of the light-brown M&M. Not even in special “holiday-themed” bags. Rest in piece, light-brown M&M. Your kind shall not be forgotten.

One thought on “Usher training & light brown M&Ms

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.