Twist ties

I have decided to phase twist ties out of my life, because theyre a true annoyance. If a tie is tightly twisted, its impossible to tell which way youre suppose to twist, and if you choose the wrong direction it only makes your situation twistier. This always nettles my goat, but in reality Im not upset with the twist tiesIm mad at myself for twisting the wrong way. The only thing to do now is own up to my error and begin twisting back the direction I came. Once in a great while, however, twisting this opposite way is also wrong. There are never any witnesses around when this happens, mostly because nobody has ever sat down and watched me retrieve a piece of fruit, but I can promise you that this has happened to me about a dozen times over the course of my life, and Im tired of being silent about it. In these instances my anger transforms into an abstract feeling of confusion and loneliness. I retwist the tie in my original direction, which has somehow become correct, but by now Im not even hungry for plums or nectarines or whatever bullshit fruit I have in my little plastic bag. Im too emotionally spent to even weep, which I know will come later. The best thing to do in the meantime is eat some clementines, which come in cute little wooden crates as if they were shipped especially to me from the tropics.

4 thoughts on “Twist ties

  1. i’ve seen the tears and honestly i’m glad you are moving on and cutting away from those wretched ties. they aren’t worth it 😉

  2. The worst is when you get the direction right, but halfway through the untwist the tie is so twisted that it will start twisting again if you aren’t careful.

  3. Even worse is when you twist in the right direction to untwist it, but end up making like an entire separate twisted section of the twisty tie, so you have to untwist that one you just made, and then forget to change direction when you come to the real thing. AAAAAAHHH! It ends up WORSE! I generally just keep a pair of wire cutters around to avoid the whole fiasco, but sometimes I misplace them.

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