Hella

People in Northern California have adopted an unconscionable piece of slang, which is “hella.” It doesn’t mean anything. Most slang is convenient shorthand or a colorful way to express something stupid, but “hella” is an adverbial intensifier which can be arbitrarily inserted into every sentence, and it sometimes is. I do not exaggerate. I live across from Berkeley High and hear phrases like this all the time: “Man, this shit be hella whack!” and “I gots to teach my students hella biology.”

In the last three hours alone, according to anecdotal evidence, things have been hella: cool, cold, hot, silly, good, bad, decent, hellish, apple, giraffe, Watergate Scandal, the, 1934, potatoes, $3.07, and hella. You can also say “hecka,” if you want to rob people of even more life energy. But I don’t know why I’m even talking about this. If this slang migrates outside Northern California and into the American consciousness, the problem will become indelible. I know it’s just an inane little word, but until you hear it said fifty times within a single hour like a jackhammer going off inside your skull, you have no idea how big a nuisance it can be. Signs are indicating that usage could already be spreading. I think I even heard somebody answer their phone, “Hella?” You must listen very carefully to what I’m telling you: “hella” must be contained. We’re all at risk. It is the colloquial avian flu.

14 thoughts on “Hella

  1. You think it’s bad with ONE made up word? Try coming to Oromocto New Brunswick. People make up full sentences. And the words that are English I can barely understand. I swear to god, if I hear the words “I seen ‘er” one more time I’m going to have an seizure. One day I was sitting in English class, and when my teacher said it for the 10th time in that brief span of an hour, I screamed “SAW!! YOU -SAW- HER!”. Needless to say I’m not sure if I’ll pass English class now.

  2. People are idiots. We need a hella epidemic. Possibly AIDs. Thin out the population nicely, and all.

    Repent, bitches.
    Keep on representing the westside.

  3. I have una amiga that lives below me and she is from San Fran and loves to say Hellllla alll the time and I do believe it will never blow over porque she’s been saying it for a couple ‘s anos(years).

  4. I am FROM Northern California … and I take hella offense to your rant! It’s a damn good thing your hella funny!

  5. Приветствую всех!
    У меня такой вопрос,кто что интересное подскажет буду признателен.
    Мы с друзьями собираемся поехать в круиз по просторам России и ближнего зарубежья месяца на два на своих машинах,но не как не можем согласовать маршрут,если у кого уже был опыт такого путешествия,может,что посоветуете.Девчонок с собой не берем,думаем,что во все городах России с этим не будет проблем,если у кого будут рекомендации и в вопросе отдыха с девушками тоже буду признателен.

    С уважением Сеньчик

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  7. I very much love summer 🙂
    Someone very much loves winter 🙁
    I Wish to know whom more 🙂
    For what you love winter?
    For what you love summer? Let’s argue 🙂

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