There are some things I miss about Michigan. Apart from my so-called “friends and family,” the greatest twinge comes from being separated from Meijer. Anybody who has ever lived in the Great Lakes region knows that Meijer is the greatest grocery store in all the land. Meijer invented the hypermarket concept which was later stolen by Wal-Mart, who put a clever spin on the idea by imposing crackhead ideologies onto their customers. Meijer does not condescend in this way, but I do know that some sort of scheming is underfoot. Each Meijer location has been reconstructing its own interior in perpetuity since 1972. I don’t know what their objective is, but you really have to be on your toes if you hope to find out where the bread aisle is each week.
My policy at Meijer is to use self-checkout lanes whenever possible. I don’t know how I’ve been tricked into doing the work Meijer’s staff is paid to be doing. Maybe Meijer should start leaving shipping boxes full of groceries out in the middle of the aisles and just have customers stock everything while they shop. Then if they attached mop heads to the bottom of carts they would no longer need to staff the store and you wouldn’t need to deal with the mutants who work at Meijer.