When I was younger, me and my playmates would often need inspiration for how to occupy our time, so we would pretend to put on thinking caps. These thinking caps were meant to stimulate our brainwaves and make us temporarily smart enough to come up with an engaging activity, but one key fact they never helped us grasp was that pretending to wear a thinking cap is among the most ridiculous things imaginable. These days I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a thinking cap anywhere but the privacy of my bedroom.

To me there is something highly amusing about any kind of hat. I am known for randomly placing an object such as a bottle cap on somebody’s head and then reprimanding them, “Come on, take off that silly hat.” I also enjoy attempting to set my drinks on other peoples’ heads, and if people actually have the audacity to wear a real hat in my vicinity, I like to flick it off high into the air. If you’re wearing a hat, it sends a signal to me that says, “Please invade my personal space,” and if you’re not wearing a hat it sends a signal to me that says, “Please attempt to balance an object on my head.” Unfortunately, nobody else shares these kind of amusements. My findings are that if you keep pestering people in this way, eventually they simply stop calling.