Rocking Around the Christmas Tree

The one Christmas song I really can’t stand is that one called “Rocking around the Christmas Tree,” because it’s always talking about how they enjoy dancing merrily “in the new old-fashioned way.” Every year they’re going on and on about this “new old-fashioned way” of theirs and it makes me sick to my stomach. First of all, what exactly is a “new old-fashioned way”? It doesn’t make any sense. Second of all—and this dovetails quite nicely with my first objection—seriously, what in god’s name is a “new old-fashioned way”? I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t want to hear your constant yammering on about it, so please just shut up because you’re ruining Christmas.

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