Old people

I was walking my roommate’s dog the other day when an elderly couple confronted me to ask what type of dog I had. I told them it was an Australian Shepherd and they said, “We’ll how about that! Is that right! Oh heavens! Well I’ll be!” They went on like that for almost a minute. Meanwhile I could have told them it was any breed in the world and they would have reacted the same way, since old people are astonished by every minor detail. Try handing an old person a jar and they’ll say, “Well don’t that beat all! A container to place some preserves! Oh lordy what a world we live in. Holy mother of Christ what an amazing jar.”

This is assuming you’re dealing with a cheerful old person and not an irate old person. Those are the only two categories of old people–either they walk around being impressed and delighted by everything, or they take everything as a personal affront. You can spot one of these irritable old people from the fact that their faces are frowning twenty-four hours a day. If you made the mistake of handing them a jar, they would whip it at your head and shout, “Get this damned jar out of my face you ungrateful little shit!” I recommend avoiding eye contact with these types of old people. In fact it might not be a bad idea to just avoid old people altogether.

3 thoughts on “Old people

  1. I concur. Maggie is stunning though. Even some not-so-old people have asked about her. I’m actually pretty sure that those old people were trying to pick you up anyway. People like to use animals as bait, were you baiting old people?

  2. this is quite funny and true, someoldpeopleare just generaly delighted to have someone to talk to although i do second your thoughts on cranky old people. most of the time it’s just cranky old men though.

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