Motion-sensing porch lights

Motion-sensing porch lights were invented as a theft deterrent, but in reality all they’re good for is continuously startling the holy Christ out of me. Not only do these lights put me in a state of panic, they make me feel like a suspected burglar. I guess I deserve that for casually meandering down a public sidewalk anytime after dark. Meanwhile, if I should happen to inadvertently set off car alarm when I’m walking, I simply head on over to the police station to turn myself in.

Sometimes I like to pretend that these porch lights aren’t motion-sensitive after all. Sometimes I imagine a panicked family huddled up in the corner of their foyer, flicking on the light switch in an act of desperation as if you to say: “We know you’re there, burglar! And the Jenkins family won’t stand for it!” Then I bash in their window with my crowbar.

7 thoughts on “Motion-sensing porch lights

  1. hmm. Motion lights are great when your neigbours have them. During the day go over to their house and point the lights at your porch. So when night falls and you cannot just set of your neigbours lights and boom! free instant light.

  2. Carrie: Sea Monkeys are just brine shrimp, man. You buy some expecting a great circus, but all you get are a few multi-celled translucent organisms eating each other’s asses.

    Heather: Happy Birthday.

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