A few months ago, I invented a recipe involving Vernors that’s changed my life. I call it “Hot Vernors.” While I cannot list all the complex steps to making this tasty beverage, as they include using space-aged “Microwave” technology, I will say that it requires one cup of Vernors brand soft drink, a heating source and a sense of adventure. The end result is a spicy, cider-esque drink fit for any chilly winter morning. Rumors suggest that Dr. Pepper can also be supplemented, creating a kind of “Hot Dr. Pepper,” but I have not yet tested the viability of this.

I recently learned via a dictionary that “to spend a penny” means to urinate. For example, if one says, “Excuse me, I have to go spend a penny,” it likely means that they are headed off to the bathroom. To me, this is fascinating slang, and I’ve been using it ever since.

Hey, whatever happened to those little smiley-faces created using grammatical symbols on the keyboard? Back in 1996, those things were all the rage. People were all, “Oh, that’s cool.” And then they’d hit you with a “:)” at the end, and you’d be all, “Wow, dude, you just smiled at me via a colon mark followed in kind by an end parenthesis sign!” And then you’d hit them up with a “;)” and they’d be all, “No! Man, you freakin’ winked at me! Dude! It’s like I can see your face on my computer!” I think what happened was that people tried to get too fancy. They were like, “OK, here’s Jesus wearing a baseball cap and juggling bowling pins,” and they’d proceed to list about 80 jumbled keyboard symbols. “Alright, now here’s a smiley-face that looks like a Civil War reenactment.”

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go spend a penny. 😉