Well, it’s pretty safe to say that the school smelt like ass on Friday. Not that clean, “Just had a shower” ass either. I’m talking the putrid central core of an ass, magnified one hundred times over. A well-timed fire alarm saved the day, but the smell haunts me still.

Many students are assured that the smell was merely sulfur. While this theory makes sense, I’ve never heard of sulfur smelling this bad. Sulfur is a walk in the park compared to the hellish odor of Friday. My guess is that the smell was some kind of sulfur/ass combination, originally created for use in the Vietnam War. I mean, you had to be at school then to know just what I’m talking about.

Making a website is troublesome, often unrewarding work. It’s also easy and fun. Is that contradictory? Perhaps, but at least it’s not contradictory.

At any rate, the new design of my website is being sponsored by that scary owl toward the top of this page. He is constantly staring at me with those unblinking eyes, forever holding a quiver in his left hand, forever questioning my every decision. Why can’t you just leave me alone, owl? For the love of God why can’t you leave me alone?

Incidentally, the owl would like everyone to sign my guestbook. “For if you do not,” he lamented, “I will have to sign the book myself. Bra-ha-ha-ha!” Damn you, owl, will your words never seize to haunt me?

By the way, it’s hot outside right now. The kind of hot that make me thirst for the gentle power of a glass of Cool-Aid, that makes me want to rest leisurely in a hammock, swaying ever so slightly with the season’s refreshing breeze. On an unrelated topic, my car smelt a lot like paint today.