March 20, 2010: Cookie Crisp
Every few years I select a box of Cookie Crisp from the grocery store, having dismissed my previous dissatisfactions with this cereal. If nothing else, I reason, I’ll be getting an entire box of snacking cookies. However, these irregular discs of dehydrated high-fructose corn syrup taste so abstract from the idea of a cookie that they make me miserable for the entire day. And by the way, General Mills should be relieved that their cereal tastes nothing like actual cookies, because the stupidest thing you could do to a real cookie is mash it up into a bowl and pour milk upon it. Why does everything need to be made out of cookies all of a sudden? Cookies are supposed to be a special treat.
It could be argued that many cereals snare you in with this sort of false association. Golden Grahams taste nothing like actual graham crackers; Cinnamon Toast Crunch nothing like actual toast; Cap’N Crunch nothing like actual Crunch berries. However Cookie Crisps are especially conniving because while they sort of resemble Famous Amos cookies, they have an unpleasant mealy taste and are abrasive to your palette. They should change the name to Dookie Crisp, because if you fed this cereal to the Cookie Monster he would literally get diarrhea.
Allison wrote:
Thanks for letting me know. Now I’ll never get them.
Posted on 20-Mar-10 at 4:20 pm | Permalink
stoney wrote:
Cookie Crisp is to cookies, as sex is to having your erection slammed in a car door.
Posted on 21-Mar-10 at 12:36 am | Permalink
Brade wrote:
The idea for “Dookie Crisp” is a revelation. Imagine the shapes and flavor combo possibilities…
Posted on 22-Mar-10 at 11:52 am | Permalink
theclam wrote:
i’ve always wanted to try cookie crisp, i though it would be delicious. thanks for ruining my dream
Posted on 23-Mar-10 at 11:30 am | Permalink
Shaura wrote:
He’s right. Cookie Crisp is truly an underwhelming food.
Posted on 25-Mar-10 at 10:31 am | Permalink
Thizzle wrote:
Thank you. Not once have I had a pleasing experience with that pathetic excuse for cereal, let alone cookies. Leaving alone it’s horrible taste, the consistency of them resembles plastic razorblades (Believe me they exist google said so). The only thing those jokes could pass for are frisbees for the keebler elves (elfs?), well on second thought even they probably scoff at the mention of cookie crisps. I call for a boycott until general mills understands the gravity of the cookie cereal situation. OH, and if you have on your dreams list “eat cookie crisps.” you have bigger problems than counseling can help you with.
Posted on 25-Mar-10 at 7:11 pm | Permalink
theclam wrote:
cookie counseling
Posted on 05-Apr-10 at 2:03 am | Permalink
blueskydeluxe wrote:
I bought Cookie Crisp last week for “Sugar Cereal Friday” at work. I figured it would be a pleasant throwback to our youth, along with others’ contributions of Fruity Pebbles, Golden Grahams, etc. Turns out my tastebuds have evolved since childhood, because I couldn’t agree more on Dookie Crisp. Can we just go all the way here and recommend it be called “Shit Crisp”? Oh yeah – and someone brought in Cinnabon cereal. Remember it? No? Maybe because if you’d grown up eating it you wouldnt have made it this far.
Posted on 19-Apr-10 at 3:31 pm | Permalink
CEO of General Mills wrote:
How bout we start a spoof cereal section with all our ideas and add:
Golden Shams
Cinnamon Hoax Crunch
and my favorite:
Crew’N Crunch (with added Vitamin C to prevent scurvy!)
Posted on 30-Apr-10 at 5:28 am | Permalink
ah wrote:
i love you
i love you
did i tell you
i love you
Posted on 18-May-10 at 12:20 am | Permalink
Reddit wrote:
“Every few years i post something here”
FTFY
Posted on 26-May-10 at 6:26 pm | Permalink
Erin wrote:
I wish I could upvote that last comment.
Posted on 28-May-10 at 12:55 am | Permalink
Esteban wrote:
Similar thoughts on Cookie Crisps here.
Posted on 29-May-10 at 12:20 am | Permalink
Loryn wrote:
My god, I missed you. I really, really did.
Posted on 30-May-10 at 11:42 pm | Permalink
paticus wrote:
I’m starting to think you don’t really mean any of this, and instead are just trying to make people laugh.
Posted on 29-Jun-10 at 11:03 pm | Permalink
Toucan Sam wrote:
My kids have begged for Cookie Crisps numerous times, and I have always denied them. Recently, I was in a doting mood, so I let them get some. After a very few “cookies”, both of them stopped eating. When I asked if I could throw the rest of the box away, they both readily agreed. They NEVER agree to let me throw ANYTHING away. That’s how nasty Dookie Crisp is. It’s a fraud!
Posted on 17-Jul-10 at 1:38 pm | Permalink
erick wrote:
ekarj. what’s up man.
Posted on 05-Aug-10 at 12:46 pm | Permalink
Sissnarous Bodiner wrote:
Haven’t had a good laugh like that in a while…dookie crisp…very true…or those crappy Oreo cereals. Sat on the toilet all day after eating a bowl of those nastys.
Posted on 06-Aug-10 at 12:59 am | Permalink
wes wrote:
Hilarious, post again soon
Posted on 09-Aug-10 at 11:45 pm | Permalink
G.H wrote:
I think I lost the last true remnant of my childhood when I tasted cookie crisp for the first time and realized it’s just a cold, cruel world out to screw you over. Screw you by promising miniature chocolate chip cookies cereal and then shoving suggary styrofoam down your throat.
Damn you, cookie crisp.
Posted on 14-Aug-10 at 7:43 pm | Permalink
absinthe wrote:
this is really a hilarious post
Posted on 13-Sep-10 at 2:29 pm | Permalink
Ethan wrote:
Is it just me, or does cookie crisp taste like capn’ crunch? I am serious, this tastes more like moth old cat throw up than cookies..
Posted on 21-Sep-10 at 5:11 pm | Permalink
rubixlube wrote:
I thought you were gone forever!
Posted on 14-Nov-10 at 12:40 am | Permalink
wickensworth wrote:
Nah, I was just lazy updating the credit card I have on file with my webhost. My credit card expired and my webhost couldn’t bill me, and I ignored all the emails related to this because it would have required to much fumbling around with my wallet. In the future I will just publish my credit card number on eKarjala and let visitors take care of these sorts of financial details. But I actually do think I will get back to updating this website again, maybe in December or a month like that. I’ve just been somewhat busy, and if I’m going to properly resurrect this website I’d want to do it earnestly. When the time is right, I’ll be back.
Posted on 16-Nov-10 at 3:34 am | Permalink
Ricktencity wrote:
Holy shit he lives! Hell must be getting mighty cold right about now.
Welcome back!
Posted on 17-Nov-10 at 11:07 pm | Permalink
PsychoticSquid wrote:
I can sleep again!
Posted on 20-Nov-10 at 6:28 am | Permalink
BranHero wrote:
Holy shit, eKarj. I have missed the shit out of your rants.
Posted on 24-Dec-10 at 3:25 am | Permalink
Anonymous wrote:
This is a relevant YouTube video, on dookie crisp:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5NRyzIAI6w
Posted on 17-Jan-11 at 2:21 am | Permalink
Brade wrote:
thanks for the heads-up, wickens. here’s hoping for more rants in the immediate future.
Posted on 31-Jan-11 at 3:59 pm | Permalink
Manveer wrote:
Not try to stick out like a sore thumb but I actually enjoy Cookie Crisp. Yea, they dont taste like real cookies at all but if they were, good luck not having the parents of America sue you into bankruptcy. Just my two cents.
Posted on 28-Aug-11 at 11:59 pm | Permalink