eKarjala logo
Wickensworth

Every few years I select a box of Cookie Crisp from the grocery store, having dismissed my previous dissatisfactions with this cereal. If nothing else, I reason, I’ll be getting an entire box of snacking cookies. However, these irregular discs of dehydrated high-fructose corn syrup taste so abstract from the idea of a cookie that they make me miserable for the entire day. And by the way, General Mills should be relieved that their cereal tastes nothing like actual cookies, because the stupidest thing you could do to a real cookie is mash it up into a bowl and pour milk upon it. Why does everything need to be made out of cookies all of a sudden? Cookies are supposed to be a special treat.

It could be argued that many cereals snare you in with this sort of false association. Golden Grahams taste nothing like actual graham crackers; Cinnamon Toast Crunch nothing like actual toast; Cap’N Crunch nothing like actual Crunch berries. However Cookie Crisps are especially conniving because while they sort of resemble Famous Amos cookies, they have an unpleasant mealy taste and are abrasive to your palette. They should change the name to Dookie Crisp, because if you fed this cereal to the Cookie Monster he would literally get diarrhea.

Comments (30) to “Cookie Crisp”

  1. Thanks for letting me know. Now I’ll never get them.

  2. Cookie Crisp is to cookies, as sex is to having your erection slammed in a car door.

  3. The idea for “Dookie Crisp” is a revelation. Imagine the shapes and flavor combo possibilities…

  4. i’ve always wanted to try cookie crisp, i though it would be delicious. thanks for ruining my dream

  5. He’s right. Cookie Crisp is truly an underwhelming food.

  6. Thank you. Not once have I had a pleasing experience with that pathetic excuse for cereal, let alone cookies. Leaving alone it’s horrible taste, the consistency of them resembles plastic razorblades (Believe me they exist google said so). The only thing those jokes could pass for are frisbees for the keebler elves (elfs?), well on second thought even they probably scoff at the mention of cookie crisps. I call for a boycott until general mills understands the gravity of the cookie cereal situation. OH, and if you have on your dreams list “eat cookie crisps.” you have bigger problems than counseling can help you with.

  7. cookie counseling

  8. I bought Cookie Crisp last week for “Sugar Cereal Friday” at work. I figured it would be a pleasant throwback to our youth, along with others’ contributions of Fruity Pebbles, Golden Grahams, etc. Turns out my tastebuds have evolved since childhood, because I couldn’t agree more on Dookie Crisp. Can we just go all the way here and recommend it be called “Shit Crisp”? Oh yeah – and someone brought in Cinnabon cereal. Remember it? No? Maybe because if you’d grown up eating it you wouldnt have made it this far.

  9. How bout we start a spoof cereal section with all our ideas and add:
    Golden Shams
    Cinnamon Hoax Crunch
    and my favorite:
    Crew’N Crunch (with added Vitamin C to prevent scurvy!)

  10. i love you
    i love you
    did i tell you
    i love you

  11. “Every few years i post something here”

    FTFY

  12. I wish I could upvote that last comment.

  13. Similar thoughts on Cookie Crisps here.

  14. My god, I missed you. I really, really did.

  15. I’m starting to think you don’t really mean any of this, and instead are just trying to make people laugh.

  16. My kids have begged for Cookie Crisps numerous times, and I have always denied them. Recently, I was in a doting mood, so I let them get some. After a very few “cookies”, both of them stopped eating. When I asked if I could throw the rest of the box away, they both readily agreed. They NEVER agree to let me throw ANYTHING away. That’s how nasty Dookie Crisp is. It’s a fraud!

  17. ekarj. what’s up man.

  18. Haven’t had a good laugh like that in a while…dookie crisp…very true…or those crappy Oreo cereals. Sat on the toilet all day after eating a bowl of those nastys.

  19. Hilarious, post again soon

  20. I think I lost the last true remnant of my childhood when I tasted cookie crisp for the first time and realized it’s just a cold, cruel world out to screw you over. Screw you by promising miniature chocolate chip cookies cereal and then shoving suggary styrofoam down your throat.

    Damn you, cookie crisp.

  21. this is really a hilarious post

  22. Is it just me, or does cookie crisp taste like capn’ crunch? I am serious, this tastes more like moth old cat throw up than cookies..

  23. I thought you were gone forever!

  24. Nah, I was just lazy updating the credit card I have on file with my webhost. My credit card expired and my webhost couldn’t bill me, and I ignored all the emails related to this because it would have required to much fumbling around with my wallet. In the future I will just publish my credit card number on eKarjala and let visitors take care of these sorts of financial details. But I actually do think I will get back to updating this website again, maybe in December or a month like that. I’ve just been somewhat busy, and if I’m going to properly resurrect this website I’d want to do it earnestly. When the time is right, I’ll be back.

  25. Holy shit he lives! Hell must be getting mighty cold right about now.

    Welcome back!

  26. I can sleep again!

  27. Holy shit, eKarj. I have missed the shit out of your rants.

  28. This is a relevant YouTube video, on dookie crisp:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5NRyzIAI6w

  29. thanks for the heads-up, wickens. here’s hoping for more rants in the immediate future.

  30. Not try to stick out like a sore thumb but I actually enjoy Cookie Crisp. Yea, they dont taste like real cookies at all but if they were, good luck not having the parents of America sue you into bankruptcy. Just my two cents.

Post a Comment
(Never published. Not required.)