Cabbage Patch Kids

Cabbage Patch Kids were marketed as being available for adoption, but I don’t think adoption had anything to do with it. Putting a baby up for adoption is an agonizing process, often the end result of an unplanned pregnancy. It has nothing to do with growing fields of cabbage children. I’m not sure what the fuck you’d call that, but it’s not adoption.

The real question is, why are you planting so many crops of babies if you can’t take care of them? Here’s a solution to your baby surplus problem: stop farming fields of babies. Try growing corn or potatoes or something halfway normal. Our world is overpopulated enough without your plantation of hybrid vegetable babies. Or maybe you’re claiming these children grow naturally in the wild. Fine—then leave them there. You’re not meant to adopt wild animals. You’re meant to hunt them down.

8 thoughts on “Cabbage Patch Kids

  1. I never had a Cabbage Patch Doll, but if I did, I wouldn’t name it something stupid like “Baby”. I’d name it Adult, and that’s exactly how I’d expect it to act.

  2. lol..i had a cabbage patch kid..first thing i did was throw out the adoption papers..honestly, at that age, i had no idea or couldn’t give what ‘adoption’ meant..ironically..the loss of the original adoption papers rendered the now collectible item completely useless and it is now worth nothing [though some would argue of the sentimental value]..funny old world:] you work

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