Wireless cafés

I don’t have internet access in my apartment, and I can’t figure out how to steal wireless from my neighbors, so in order to go online I have to drag my laptop to a café. For example right now I’m at a café. Here there are other people with their own little laptops, and together we form a community of friends.

When a laptop user stands up to use the bathroom, it is customary for him or her to ask a complete stranger to watch over their computer, thereby protecting it from other complete strangers. There could only be you and one other person in the entire café and that person would still feel compelled to ask you, “Hey, could you watch my stuff for a minute? I wouldn’t want some jackass like you to come along and take it.” This is like being in the midst of a pack of coyotes and arbitrarily going up to one coyote and saying, “Hey, coyote, will you protect me for a second? There are some dangerous coyotes around here. Not you, though, you’re a cute little coyote. I noticed that right when I entered this prairie. Actually, that’s why I’m really talking to you. I’m too shy to initiate conversation, so by soliciting your protection maybe that will open up a dialogue between us and we could make some small talk and agree to go out for dinner sometime.” That’s the real motive behind the whole “will you watch my laptop?” ruse, and I see right through it. When somebody asks me to watch their laptop, I chuckle a little bit and say, “You’re so timid. Of course I’ll go to dinner with you sometime.” But then when they go to the bathroom I steal their laptop and run full-speed out of the café.

4 thoughts on “Wireless cafés

  1. i must say that this is a damn funny entry. not that they aren’t all funny, (for lack of a better word) and it may be my lack of sleep, but this one is funny. ok. bye.

  2. I was at la biblioteca the other day and this hombre asked me to watch his things while he had to poo. I was soo disgusted that I made sure that someone took all of it and I made a hella mad dash outta there!

  3. During some off my travels i have come across cafes where people all sit facing one direction, usually the direction of the t.v., and their is only one person per table. Well when i come across such cafes i have found the best thing to do is too is sit in the far corner and face everyone. People become instantly uncomfortable and have no idea what to do. Do they look at you or do they turn around? if they turn around they are now facing the people behind them., thus creating an even bigger problem.

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