I could do without a different phone company calling me every three minutes to inform me of this hot new savings rate they have. Here’s their shtick: As soon as you pick up, they go on this ten-minute tirade of propagandic jargon, to which you obviously respond, once finally given the chance, “Sorry, pal, I’m not interested.” But here’s where they piss me off. After you say you don’t give a slice of crap about their services, they ask you again, only with a reworded version of their initial marathon-length question. “Are you aware that we have special rates for long distance fees that occur on Sundays to Japan, a country whose GDP per capita was an estimated $23,400 in 1999, which incidentally was a year many analysts are already citing as the highest rate of growth for–” That’s where I like to cut them off and be like, “No means no, Iowa Calling Service Agency.”

But now other people have started calling me and asking me if I have a summer job lined up for the summer, and then talking about this bizarre pyramid scheme they got suckered into and expect me to fall for as well, so that they can get another 9 cents for every ten people I get to paint a house or something. I’d like to tell them to go get a real job–preferably one that doesn’t involve waking me up at all hours of the afternoon.

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