I understand that Scissors can beat Paper and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there’s no fucking way Paper could beat Rock. Apparently, Paper is supposed to magically “wrap around” Rock, leaving it immobile. Why the hell can’t Paper do this to Scissors? No, never mind Scissors, why can’t Paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly smothering students as they attempt to take notes in class? I’ll tell you why: because Paper can’t beat anybody. A rock would tear that shit up in about a minute.

Whenever I play Rock/Paper/Scissors, I always choose Rock. When somebody claims to have beaten me with their Paper, I punch them in the face with my already-clenched fist. I’ll say, “Oh, shit, man, I’m sorry, I thought Paper would protect you. Asshole.”

On another topic, I’m not sure when my Guestbook turned into a forum to discuss Adam Kangas, but I have recently added a Message Board to this site for things like that. So if you want to share the latest Adam Kangas news or even ask me a special question, feel free to use it.

4 thoughts on “Rock/Papers/Scissors

  1. Could this be the first instance of this quote that’s passed around so much? I’ve googled it, but all of the top results are on obscure fanfiction forums, the links of which I refuse to click under any circumstances. Oh, and I am now reading your entire archive so I may become the newest site-stalker. Just thought I’d mention that.

  2. If it was a huge roll of paper tightly packed falling say20 ft. on a fist size chunk of sandstone,it would crush it. It’s not about protection if it were you could have a condom wrapped around a bundle of paper and cut that shit with yer cheap 5+dime scissors!

  3. ^Asshat. Obviously the rock is the size of your clenched fist and the paper is the approximately, if not exactly, the size of an open hand. I would still dynamite the shit out of your huge paper OR rock.

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