Now I’m not going to criticize my professor’s lesson plans–I’ll leave that for Satan. But I must say that I no longer feel excited and energized about earning points for completing assignments and taking tests in my classes, because I finally realized that I don’t know what the hell a point even is. Like what’s the unit of a point? What kind of scale are we talking about here? Professors are always like, “Well, you better do well on this paper, because it’s worth fifty points,” but it’s like, so what? Am I supposed to be impressed by this figure? “Oh, heavens to Betsy, fifty points! Fifty fucking points! That’s way more points than ten or twenty!” Really, though, what the hell am I going to do with fifty points? Do I receive valuable coupons upon receiving a set number of them? Are they redeemable for prizes? Hell no. All you get to do is feel bad about the points that you didn’t earn. But you know what? I’m sick of going on these insane educational scavenger hunts to collect these things. I’m going to tell my professors that they can keep their precious points, and that I’ll give them a few points of my own if they want to go ahead and kiss my ass.
Meanwhile, if you have any questions about the owl at the top of this page, please click here for a revealing interview.