One thing I could never master in elementary school, besides learning how to read, was how to properly open up a milk carton. Nine times out of ten when I attempted to crack open a carton, it would somehow refuse to tear correctly, denying me access to the nutritious milk inside—or to be perfectly candid, the delicious chocolate milk inside. Cartons have two sides, however, which meant I had two chances, and the second side was made much more accommodating with the first side already half-open. But opening up this side usually caused the first side to also pop open, which resulted in what is known in geometry parlance as a cuboid, which made me look like what is known in elementary school parlance as a moron. It was now time to dejectedly ask the lunch lady for a straw through which I could drink from my chocolate milk cuboid, and then join the children at the special needs table.