Milk cartons

One thing I could never master in elementary school, besides learning how to read, was how to properly open up a milk carton. Nine times out of ten when I attempted to crack open a carton, it would somehow refuse to tear correctly, denying me access to the nutritious milk inside—or to be perfectly candid, the delicious chocolate milk inside. Cartons have two sides, however, which meant I had two chances, and the second side was made much more accommodating with the first side already half-open. But opening up this side usually caused the first side to also pop open, which resulted in what is known in geometry parlance as a cuboid, which made me look like what is known in elementary school parlance as a moron. It was now time to dejectedly ask the lunch lady for a straw through which I could drink from my chocolate milk cuboid, and then join the children at the special needs table.

2 thoughts on “Milk cartons

  1. I have learned the solution to your problem. I too as a child always opened both sides of the milk cartoon by accident. My solution was once both sides are opened, tape one side shut therefore putting things back in proper order.
    This also taught me to always carry around Duct Tape.

  2. Yes….I too recall the frustration at opening both sides of those cartons. Later in life I remember not having any problem at all and thus deciding that it must have been the elementary lunch staff serving us defective cartons as pay back for their crappy jobs.

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