Hey, immune system! How are you doing there, pal? Oh, cool, that’s good to hear. Yeah, I was just wanting to let you know that you can feel free to chip in every once in awhile and stop letting these retarded antigens or whatever swim around in my body and make me feel like junk. I’m not going to point fingers or anything, but I’m sure as hell not the one who’s supposed to be in charge of preventing this type of shit. Let me give you a hint: Next time you see a virus coming into my body, please just boot it out. He’s not your friend. Don’t fall for his sneaky virus tricks.

What the hell is up with viruses and bacteria, anyway? What are they hoping to have happen? Are they trying to kill people? Is that their game? I’m sorry to say this, but that’s not very cool. Viruses are the meanest little creatures ever. Everyday they’re like, “Oh, look at me, I’m a little virus! I think I’m going to go fuck with somebody’s immune system now for no reason. I want everybody to feel sad because it makes me feel like a big man.” Viruses have very low self-esteem. If I ever get my hands on a virus, I’m going to strangle that little bastard.

I think I speak for all the human race when I say that I didn’t evolve for millions of years just to get a soar throat and a pounding headache. What have immune systems been learning for all of these years? Wake up, immune systems! Do your fucking jobs!