I saw a stand-up comedian on the Spanish Channel and it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. I’m not sure what he was saying because the only Spanish I know are the words where they just stick an “o” at the end of English words, but I’m pretty sure he was being really, really funny. Then again, you could tell me that my dog died in Spanish and it would still sound hilarious. “‘Perro’? Haha! What the hell are you talking about? That’s not a real word!”
Then I saw a Public Service Announcement where the message was “Don’t gamble over the internet.” It shows some kid sitting at his Gateway and yelling, “Let it ride, baby! Yes! I’m having fun!” Then these guys come out and take away his furniture, and he’s all, “God, I’m an idiot! I can’t believe I gave them my parents’ credit card number! I feel like a complete jackass!” After I saw this commercial, I thought, Who the hell gambles over the internet? I mean, is this some kind of big issue kids are dealing with today? My guess is that the people who make PSAs are sick of kids ignoring them when they tell them not to smoke, so now they’re telling kids not to do something that they already don’t do. “Kids, please don’t … um, gamble … over the internet. What’s that? You’re not gambling over the internet? Yes! The PSAs have paid off!”
Seriously, having a PSA warning about the dangers of internet gambling is a lot like having a PSA warning about the dangers of setting fire to your pants. “I thought I was pretty cool when I set fire to my pants. All my friends were laughing! But then I realized that my legs were on fire. When you set fire to your pants … everyone gets burned.”
On a different note, in approximately seven years I’m going to finally have enough Kool-Aid points to win those plastic sunglasses I’ve been eyeing since I was six. Oh, yeah!
Hey, your seven years are up! Maybe now you can go back to being an usher and get the respect you deserve thanks to your shiny new Kool-Aid glasses. Also, don’t make fun of people who’ve set fire to their pants. Some of my best friends are people who’ve set fire to their pants. You’d be surprised at the thoughts triggered by posession of a blowtorch and large quantities of gasoline.