Emergency exits

A lot of buildings have emergency exits, which are like normal, practical exits, with one clever exception: Youíre not allowed to use them. The only instance youíre allowed to use one of these amazing emergency exits is when thereís some sort of horrible disaster. I guess theyíre worried that if you use an emergency exit when there isnít an actual emergency, the door might not work correctly when thereís a fire or something. Itís as if they think youíre going to wear out the fucking door.

I donít think these people understand how doors work. Doors arenít like the chemical they use for fire extinguishers, which is finite and can be used up. Because of this, it makes sense to save fire extinguishers for when thereís a fire, and to not waste them just to spray your friends with as an hilarious practical joke. But doors canít be used up. Nobodyís ever tried to leave a burning building and had to say to themselves, ďOh, great, this emergency exit is all gone! If only people hadnít carelessly wasted it away when there wasnít really a fire!Ē Doors donít somehow disappear after you use them a few thousand times. Having an exit you can only use when thereís an emergency is like having a bed you can only use when youíre really exhausted, and the rest of the time you have to sleep on the floor.

The biggest reason I donít like using the library at Michigan State is because literally 90% of the exits there are emergency exits. Whoever designed this building is convinced something terrible is going to happen to it. Itís very frustrating having to walk five minutes out of my way just to use the special non-emergency exits. Itís gotten to the point where Iíve started lighting bookcases on fire just so that I can get the hell out of there.

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