Sometimes when I close my eyes, I see the face of this horrifying bull creature from the Elmer’s Glue bottles. He sits there smirking in his little orange triangle, so pleased with himself that he managed to become the mascot for a glue company even though bulls have nothing to do with glue. The most grotesque thing about him is that he’s white like the glue itself, which implies that he’s some sort of glue monster.
Since I’m a scholar, I looked up Elmer the Bull on Wikipedia and became even more repulsed by what I read. It turns out he’s actually married to that cow from Borden’s dairy products, which I didn’t even know was legal. This is a perfect illustration of why you shouldn’t look everything up on Wikipedia. Now the mental image I see of this Satanic glue creature also involves the Borden dairy cow and it’s all I can do not to vomit. Congratulations, Elmer, I am now lactose intolerant.