One thing I’ve never understood is why some people hang those dangling strings of beads in their entryway. What culture are we even trying to emulate here, guys? It’s as if these people are saying, “Allow me to make it slightly more inconvenient for you to enter this room.” The stakes are even higher if somebody passes the beaded curtain immediately in front of you, because now all the strings are swinging around in crazy directions, and no matter what you do you’re going to get whapped. How about rigging up some knives to these strings of beads? Why don’t you just go ahead and stab me for entering your living room?

Hopefully next time I have to pass a beaded curtain I’ll have a good pair of scissors on me. Then I’ll just tell my host, “Here, let me help you with this,” and begin maniacally cutting the shit out of their beaded curtain as they look on in horror.