My roommate Diego is from Ecuador, which is possibly why he prefaces every sentence with the phrase, “We have a saying in Ecuador.” For example he might say, “We have a saying in Ecuador: Please pass me the remote control.” Then I’ll say, “Diego, I really don’t think that’s a saying in Ecuador,” and he’ll get mad and say, “Eric, quit being such a bitch.” If you are skeptical of whether this is actually a typical conversation between me and Diego, you have obviously never seen us converse before. Our room is like a constant sitcom, only there’s a lot of swearing and hurt feelings, and nobody ever learns a valuable lesson.

Don’t get me wrong, when Diego is not embarrassing me in front of company or giving me instructions in the form of a series of incomprehensible whistles and hand gestures, he is a very good roommate. The problem is that he is continuously embarrassing me in front of company and giving me instructions in the form of a series of incomprehensible whistles and hand gestures. Still, I’ve always contested that Diego is very wise and mysterious. Nobody can comprehend the true nature of Diego.

In other news, you may have noticed that I removed the guestbook from this site. This is because, without a guestbook, I can now say such things as “I secretly want to see A Walk To Remember” without getting publicly humiliated on my own website. So if you kids have a question or comment you want me to hear, you can simply email it to me and I will respond to it on this site in a segment I ingeniously like to call “Mail.” But please do not email me just to make fun of me for wanting to see A Walk To Remember. It’s really not that big of a deal!

According to recent statistics, about 80% of all people who read eKarjala think it’s the worst thing to ever happen. These people absolutely hate this site, and they have made it their life’s business to make sure that I know this fact. Here is a typical day in one of these peoples’ lives:

11:13 AM Wakes up and checks eKarjala, hitting refresh periodically incase I update while they’re visiting

12:45 PM Signs guestbook to write, “I can’t believe I just wasted my time to sign this guestbook. This site really sucks!”

1:05 PM Checks guestbook to see if anybody has responded to comment

3:49 PM Makes joke to self about how stupid my last update was

5:00 PM Poetry hour

6:07 PM Rereads entire eKarjala archives

8:10 PM Prepares and consumes microwave burrito

8:31 PM Calls burrito manufacturer to complain that burrito tasted like crap and was a waste of time to eat

8:47 PM Drives to Kroger’s to purchase two dozen additional burritos

10:58 PM Signs guestbook to make fun of how other people wasted their time signing the guestbook

12:52 AM Lights candles in Wickensworth altar located adjacent to bed

3:12 AM Checks to see if eKarjala has been updated.

3:32 AM Wishes their parents loved them

4:02 AM Falls asleep in a little ball in the corner of their room

My classes are always really boring, which has forced me to discover several entertaining actives that can be performed while my teachers yak on and on about Islam or whatever the hell they like to talk about (I think it’s usually about Islam). Some of my favorites classroom activities are as follows:

Mental Tetris

This is a lot like regular Tetris, only instead of a Gameboy dictating what blocks you receive, you leave it up to your imagination. The weird part is that when I play Mental Tetris, you’d think that I’d give myself some useable shapes, but I really don’t. I always get one of those retarded mutant blocks that you can never find a place for, when all I really want is some goddamned lines. This usually leads to me punching myself in the head and shouting, “I want lines! Give me lines!” before I realize that I’m disrupting class. Then I quiet back down and begin a new game.

Crossword Puzzles

The irony about these things is that you’re doing them while a teacher is lecturing to you about things that could potentially be applied for future crossword puzzle usage. So the more crossword puzzles you do, the worse you get at them. I really don’t like crossword puzzles that much, because their clues are always something like, “24 Down: speaks lemon turtle?” Somehow, even though most of these clues could never make any human sense, I still feel like an idiot for not knowing the answer.

Doodling

This is a favorite activity of mine, despite the fact that I have the handwriting coordination of a six year old with arthritis. Usually I’ll draw a star or a three dimensional box or a combination of the two, but since I’m completely zoned out while I doodle, I never really know what surprising things my subconscious will have created. For example, just today I looked over my history notes and discovered that I had written “Satan is grand!” over and over again with my own blood. Fascinating!

Twirling Pencils

Often called “The Sport of Kings” in its native Europe, pencil twirling has a long and storied history. Since I’ve only recently began my personal career, I remain somewhat of a novice. However, one day I hope to be as good as the professionals, who can twirl a pencil in their hand at speeds of up to twenty miles per hour, then flip it into the air, perform a cartwheel, and catch it in their mouths. Incidentally, I’ve become very proficient at “mental twirling pencils.”

Watching Other People Take Notes

This is another favorite activity of mine. I find that people’s note taking habits are very fascinating, and monitoring their progress is thus an enjoyable way for me to fill up a class period. Sometimes I’ll even take notes on their note taking. “The girl in the red shit is underlining a term. Now she’s drawing some sort arrow. Wait—what’s this? Could it be? Yes! She’s using a highlighter! I don’t believe it!” I should add that I’ve found “mental watching other people take notes” isn’t as fun as one might think it is.