Every day there are a bunch of bees twirling around outside our side door, and it’s really aggravating. I refuse to believe it’s just a coincidence that there always happens to be about seventy to eighty bees just hanging out at that same spot, so I think they’ve built a nest or a hive or a honeycomb, or whatever bees live in, right outside our side door. I can only thank God that there is no such thing as indoor bees.

This beehive, our house’s enigmatic fifth roommate, has prevented me from using the side door. The problem is, outside our front door, there is also a bunch of broken glass laying around, presumably from a broken ashtray. So basically, there’s no way to leave this house. My plan is to sweep up all the glass shards and then whip them at the bees.