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Everybody knows that dollar stores are great places for poor people to pretend like they actually participate in the marketplace. Few people are aware that these same stores also hold astonishing secrets. In my latest Pulitzer-losing article, I blow the lid off the dollar store mystery bag scene.

Comments (260) to “One Day I Chanced Upon A Mystery”

  1. This is hysterically funny.

    Good writing.

  2. There is actually a game that you play with four decks of cards-my mom is a total shark and the kids aren’t so bad either. It’s called hand and foot and when CA falls off the usa, you can move to sunny NC and the whole fan damily will school you in the mysteries of it. You’ll have to bring your fancy pants, though.

  3. Best article since the Board Games one… Be sure to bring those cards to Poker Night in case 8 games are being played simultaneously. I’ll tell Walton to invite everyone he knows.

  4. Good so far. Keep working though. Miss you jerk. Spend some time in the sun for me.

  5. ~This is an official challange~
    Mr. Eric Karjala this is an offical challange to a game of Four Deck War.

  6. O=! That sounds positively epic! Someone bring a camera

  7. You are forgetting, evil parallel-dimension Erik Karjala, that this would actually be a game of Eight Deck War. Yet I accept the challenge. Let’s agree to meet in a neutral dimension.

  8. Funny article, but I cringed every time I read the word “loofa” when looking at the pink shower puff. That is not a loofa, this http://www.istockphoto.com/file_closeup/?id=139523&refnum=253971
    is a loofa

  9. Then what the hell is it? Just a “pink shower puff”? Your terminology confuses and alarms me.

  10. I laughed uncontrollably for no less than five minutes when I saw those four decks of cards.

  11. I think I laughed harder and longer than I ever have in my entire life when I saw the second set of quadruplets. I need a towel, I’m drenched in tears of laughter.

  12. Lmao, seriously.
    These things should be sold here in holland too XD

  13. Well! 🙂

    I would take you up on that epic game — if I knew how to play it. 🙁

  14. Those blue underpants have put me into tears of laughter. Very funny!

  15. You must be a dick, due to the fact that you ARE A DICK.

  16. I was enjoying this article until you opened the green bag. It is the first time in a VERY long time that something on this damn interweb actually made me LOL. good stinking job man.

  17. Why can’t anybody write an article
    WITHOUT cussing and rude comments.Just shows your lack of intelligence.

  18. If you live near me (in the Northern Virginia area) I’d gladly take you up on the 8 deck war game!

  19. I was thinking about the gift bag for girls. I could always use another loofah to scrub my lady places. And the little bottles would be great for smuggling vodka to work. Taking pictures of all of the people who would buy this shit all day at the DMV is depressing, so a good stiff drink would be great. As long as it don’t fuck up mah nails. Uh, huh–you go get in lane at winda numma 6 because Ah’m on my break now.

  20. i remeber seeing these some years ago at my local dollar store and thinking how ridiculous they must be…thank you for confirming my theories and a great laugh

  21. Wow, it’s the dollar store. What did you expect. Actually, some of these gifts are great ideas. If you’re shopping at the dollar store you probably shouldn’t care that much whether your underwear is in style. A loofa and liquid soap can seem luxurious to a girl who’s using a cheap bar soap. Have you ever played canasta? It doesn’t involve gambling and uses four decks. How many different games are there for cards that don’t involve gambling? HUNDREDS. Oh, lets not mention that you could make card houses. Cards also bend and tear with regular use. Four decks could last quite a while. A slinky, what a crappy gift, right? Since I was a kid I’ve always wanted a slinky. I still want one so I can try to run it down a giant flight of stairs. It is a dollar store. It is not toysRus. What a charmed life you have lead that these inexpensive gifts seem like garbage to you. What an ingrate.

  22. Quote Teract: “A loofa and liquid soap can seem luxurious to a girl who’s using a cheap bar soap.”

    Yeah, if there was any soap in the girls’ bag. But their wasn’t, so the girl has three empty bottles and no soap when she could have bought a cheap bar and actually washed herself. So yeah, it is a SHITTY gift. They could have bought something USEFUL as a gift instead.

    I remember seeing these things at the Dollar Store all the time when we would go, I always wondered what was inside but always forced myself not to buy one… I am now officially glad I didn’t… yet at the same time tempted to buy my own and see if they are all the same crap (I’m guessing yes, but still) XD

  23. Wow, I didn’t notice that they were empty bottles… hmmm. A loofa can still be used with normal soap but you made a point. Regardless. DOLLAR store. If you’re shopping for presents at a dollar store your definition of luxury is different than the author’s. I wouldn’t have bashed so much had I read more of the author’s pieces. I’d stumbled into the page. I wish I’d have read it after reading some of the other articles, it would have been funnier. Guess that’s the problem with Stumble, you loose some of the context.

  24. Regardless as to whether or not these beauties of gifts may or may not be useful, we all overlook one important fact; yesterday i really really needed a pee, yet, alas, was unable to relieve my somewhat pressurised bladder due to the complete lack of peeing facilities in the cinema, (sweeny todd was rather gripping i must admit, and so vowed to not miss any of this wondrous epic, any way, back to my point) if 3 empty pink bottles had been available, i would have been able to pee freely, but they weren’t so i sat in agony for a good hour. Thus i rest my case, pink bottles are necessary for anyone who ever goes to the cinema. Pink cos im like the colour, the loofa however, is plain useless for all with testicles, unless you want to sponge down the nearest female…though if you live with your mother then…well… i wouldn’t take that risk

  25. 8 decks of cards for $3. Sounds good to me.

  26. I really needed the laugh this website gave me. Your on for your mega game of war

  27. This is dumb and sexist… and dumb.

  28. I had to take a chance on one of these myself a few years back. Know what I got? Some plastic insects, out of date (by a year) candy and a bottle of fruit(?) drink with gelatin balls floating in it.
    I’d have rather had the cards and underpants.

  29. I love it! It’s really funny seeing what’s in mystery bags! I’ve seen something similar in the UK and always resisted the temptation!
    The cards are probably quite a useful thing to have if you like playing cards – but the girl stuff is a bit tragic!

  30. Funniest thing I’ve stumbled on yet.

  31. Interesting. My little brother once bought the surprise for a boy bag. It had a rice krispie treat, a Mondo juice bottle, and some sort of useless plastic “toy”. I’m pretty sure they just throw merchandise that was somehow opened into the bags so they can make some sort of money.

  32. Hilarious. Enjoy your cards and boy panties.

  33. I think that all that crap for three bucks is good

  34. I’m pretty tired but but laughed so hard i cried

  35. I laughed so damn hard as soon as i saw 3 empty bottles. I full on belly laughed until the end of the article. except the brief moment I pause in wonderment at the pair of blue underwear. My throat hurts. I am curious now. do you always get he same prizes. can you go back for more fun at rock bottom prices. thanks for the laugh.

  36. 208 Soldiers for each contingency in this war. Each side possessed of 20 high ranking officers. Unfortunately the leading commanders of both forces are strategically inept and just throw their soldiers and officers alike willy-nilly at one another without thought of risk or collateral damage. Sounds intriguing and sadistically rewarding. I accept your challenge. ….. There Will Be Blood …..

  37. wow


  39. Haha! Awesome!

  40. They should all just have candy… I was hoping for something funny to happen in the end but I get nothing. =[

  41. I know exactly what you mean about all of the confusion with the grab bags. I used to work for at a Dollar Tree store, and I never had a darn clue what I was doing when I made them up. Its basically a bag filled with some stuff that got busted open or if somebody steals one thing from a package. Its stupid asset management. I told my boss I refused to do them anymore after I came to realize how idiotic the idea was.

  42. Laughed so hard I farted. Excellent parody.

  43. I never purchased a grab bag before, but, after reading your article I will definitely grab the “male” version! I can always use four decks of cards for a good game of ‘shit on your neighbor!’ (even kids enjoy it.)

  44. I had always wondered wtf was in these bags.

  45. LMAO

  46. Dollar stores are the shit.

  47. hahahahaha this was fuckin hilarious.
    too bad my room mate is asleep because i wanted to laugh out loud.

    that was the most random ass shit to put in a bag to sell. You could play a mad game of Kings with all those cards though!

  48. What kind of an elitist snob are you? “These grab bags merge poor people’s penchant for surprise with their complete lack of taste.” WTF?! Because a person is poor they like surprises and have no taste? You’re a moron.

  49. Dear “You’re Stupid”:
    The fact that you would take something so completely ridiculous, which is clearly meant as a joke, so seriously and then talk down to the person who wrote it makes you the elitist, albeit a moral one.

  50. you got some good stuff, must worth more than a dollar

  51. That’s hilarious but I dunno… I always seem to need empty bottles for thing’s I mix and those look just about the right size.

  52. I fail to see the humor and your remarks about poor people are inhumane and stupid. So why were YOU there, anyway?

  53. That is so funny!! I’ve always wondered what was in those bags. Never brave enough to purchase them though!

  54. Brilliant.

  55. This article/blog/diary entry was fucking hilarious.

    As long as the underwear is comfortable haha

  56. I laughed too hard throughout this whole thing!! I’ve never bought one before, just in fear of the mystery they bring. Thanks for this not so awesome discovery =D

  57. lol, this was so funny. having underwear in a grab bag is a ridiculous idea I don’t know who would place that in a grab bag…Anyway this was a amazing article and I am very happy I took the time to read it – definitely worth it.

  58. Excellent experiment!

  59. Would love to see what’s in another set of bags! Do another experiment for us!

  60. I’ve always wanted to buy one of those, thanks for letting me know there is no weed in the green bags. Saved me a dollar!

  61. I have never seen those anywhere before. I wish they had those around here. I would so buy more then three lmao.

  62. Oh, oh! youre so on with the Epic War Game! 😀


    anytime dude! bring it! 😀

  63. WHY would you:

    1: Go to Dollar Store if you hate it?
    2: Buy these bags if you know what you are getting? (which is nothing)

    Seems to me like Dollar Store got what they wanted, a sale to a sucker.

  64. I used to work at Dollar Tree and made those things. They were awful, LOL this article was great!! BTW i made mine with much more better stuff or at least a ton of crap. The company wanted each bag to be valued at about $1.30 to 1.60. It was very funny again! Thanks

  65. I loved the article! I’m sorta tempted to go buy one now.

  66. My sis worked in a shop and she told me that after a sale when they had crappy, broken stuff left over they put them in these bags and sold them. One bag had 10 pencil cases in it!

    This article is hilarious! I couldn’t stop laughing!

  67. My sister sent this to me and I am so happy she did. I get emails all the time from people who say “this made me laugh out loud” and it never does (that could be your next expose). Well – always trust your sister – I did actually laugh out loud – thank god the writers are back – you should be contacting the studios now – they definately need people like you!!

  68. My friend showed this to me. The “grab bags” are usually filled with stuff Dollar tree has already claimed on the “store loss”. It’s stuff that falls out of packaging or the package is destroyed by a box cutter. Then we’d use candy that wasn’t selling well enough as filler for the boys and girls bags. Green bags are supposed to be marked. Your dollar tree apparently didn’t care.

  69. Thank you for your investigative journalism. I hope hear about your Pulitzer win later this year. This was wonderful.

  70. Hahahaha! I seriously laughed the entire time I was reading this. Although, I must admit it was difficult as I was laughing so hard that I cried. Brilliant piece, godbless stumble! Keep up the humor-sleuthing! XD

  71. il verse u any day at 4 on 4 deck of cards the shop i go too has candy as well

  72. What about building a big house of cards, you could practice (you have the cards) I hear the Guiness book calling your name. Or maybe its just Guiness Stout calling mine. Whatever. I’m glad the underwear fit.

  73. My experience with grab bags got me a little green barrel-shaped thing, with a picture of an explosion and the word “BOMB!!” on it. I think it might have been packaged with a toy originally, though I can’t imagine what kind of toy would need something like this.

  74. I have always wondered what was in those bags. My guess was: a bunch of crap!
    Now I know where to go when I need a pair of big blue drawers and 3 decks of cards!


  75. That awsome, too funny. I see those dollar bags when I’m grocey shopping with my methhead mom all the time. I’ve always wondered.

  76. So funny my eyes started watering!!!

  77. ShwEEET!

  78. hahaha, that’s great you can’t get more real than that!! XD

  79. You’ve solved a great puzzle for me! now I don’t have to waste three bucks.

  80. what is the Dollar store going to do next???????

  81. It’s been quite a while since I’ve read such a snobbish bit of bad writing. Thank you for pointing out to us poor dumb proles just how urbane and intelligent you must be. So, why were you at an establishment that is so below your station?

    Toodles …

  82. I stumbled onto your little blog… made me laugh. 🙂 Cute!

  83. “Thank you for pointing out to us poor dumb proles…” -Methmommy

    Don’t try to speak for us. If you’re insecure about belonging to the lower class that’s fine. I won’t spit at you on the bus; but remember no one elected you official speaker of poor people who read internet blogs. And I should know, I’ve spit on enough of your kind to learn the hierarchy.

    Your sarcastic complaint is hypocritical. Your poorly thought out argument is that if he doesn’t respect the establishment, what is he doing there? That was the point you were making right? Well, if you don’t respect his site why are you commenting?

    I seriously doubt you belong to any proletariat, because harvesting wheat leaves little time for ironic faultfinding. And I should know, I spit on people who harvest wheat.

  84. thanx, i’ve always wondered what was in those bags, but wasn’t desperate (or should that be called brave??!) enough to buy one! looks like the girl bag was very handy, the only one i’d buy if all the girl ones were same:) oh, an to all mystified by its contents: it’s a collection of travel essentials- i frequently travel and don’t want to just buy a new shampoo or facial soap wherever i go, so i use empty bottles like those little pink ones and put some of my current shampoo in it. the mirror is perfect sized for a purse, and i always use a loofah:) and yes, that’s loofah. Check the dictionary if this definition of the word isn’t included in your vocabulary:D LOL

  85. Paticus: Thanks, you’re like my number one attack dog (or actually number two after lol).

    To answer methmommy’s question, though, sometimes I do go to the Dollar Tree to purchase toiletries like toothpaste and hand soap and shampoo. Point being, I’m not so snobbish that I can’t slum around every once in awhile. But it’s pretty ironic to buy hygiene products at those places when you consider how filthy most the other customers are!

  86. Methmommy (the fiscally challenged) should follow in your, discount-hygienic-product-purchasing, example. Poor people should wash themselves more. Maybe then they wouldn’t smell like spit.

  87. You seem to have gotten what you paid for

  88. This article made me laugh out loud. Really. Thanks for that.

  89. EPIC WIN

  90. Enquiring minds surpassing all limits!

  91. That article made me lol; thanx.

  92. Great article. I really hate it that you can’t find a prober grab bag around here, I would even enjoy they girly one.

  93. That was the funniest thing I’ve read!! I wish we had grab bags in Oz!!!!

  94. I can’t tell you how many times i’ve seen those bags ripped open in the dollar store and then still wondered what was inside. but thanks for clearing it up and making me laugh so hard my stomach muscles hurt!

  95. You have no idea how many times I have wanted to buy one of those grab bags but talked myself out of it. Now I must buy one! On my lunch break today. Maybe I will buy two…

  96. one of the funniest freaking things i’ve ever seen.

  97. Speaks volumes. Has to be the funniest thing I have Stumbled upon ever. Thanks for the laugh.
    P.S. Now I can show my children why I have never bought any of those bags they have begged me for when ever we shopped a dollar store.

  98. You need to get a life.

  99. Funniest thing I have stumbled all week.

    I was choking with laughter.

  100. This was a real gift to the Stumble community. Thanks for taking that $3 risk and posting the results.

  101. Just hilarious!

  102. gotta love the Dollar Tree!!! lmao about the underwear!!! *wonders if they came in another package, or just like they’re shown? hopes you washed them first…cause you never know!!!*

  103. I probably found this article the most Dollar tree! how odd is it that I Stumbled upon this. I can’t believe all the stuff you got in those bags our bags are worse they are only kids toys and there is a lot less stuff in them, so you defiantly got a bargin! thanks for writing this I love laughing at my job 🙂

  104. oh sorry what I meant was, “I probably found this article the most hilarious of all because I work at Dollar Tree!”

  105. So not having money means you can’t have good taste, and having money means you do, is that what you’re saying, twat?

  106. Real funny, except for this part,

    “These grab bags merge poor people’s penchant for surprise with their complete lack of taste.”

    Pretty appalling contents. Thanks for spending your money so we can get a peek inside without having to spend ours.

  107. I accept your challenge to War, I plan on winning those briefs!

  108. This is an AWESOME article. I always wondered what was in those kind of things. that is so funny what was in there, and YOU have a great sense of humour too! it was a pleasure to read this article and I look forward )later tomorrow) to reading more!!

  109. You must be REALLY bored!!!

  110. i peed in my panties. can i borrow… er, have…those blue shiny ones???

  111. Something about the text and photos made me laugh, really made me laugh.

  112. What a fortunate thing we have such a surfeit of snide little jerks around to tell us how lame poor people are…

  113. That is fortunate, Scarlett. Do you know what else is fortunate? Your sardonic critique of an equally sardonic editorial! You diabolical wizard of irony.

    It’s fun to judge people for judging people. They shouldn’t judge people like that, and I judge them for it, harshly.

  114. What a bunch of crap. I can’t believe you paid $53.00 for it. I think that is a stunt that only “Dollar Tree” could thind of.

  115. TOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!! i peed my pants and laughed so hard I had tears running down my face!!Musta had a looong day!!!

  116. My mom use to drag me to the Dollar Tree and the grab bag was the highlight of the trip. When I was a kid they actually had good stuff in them, like coloring books, crayons, and candy. I guess the Dollar Tree is not what it used to be. The giant blue underwear and 8 decks of cards were really funny though!

  117. Haha! My son and I used to buy those all the time!

  118. That’s unbelievably funny. Really though, you did a terrible thing: You made me laugh so much that now my jaw, neck, and shoulders hurt. I had to lie on the floor for a minute to catch my breath. You could have killed me!

  119. Salad came out my nose and my chest hurts from laughing so hard.

  120. but why are you buying shampoo that doesnt already come in it’s own bottle! funniest thing i heard all year. good job bro!



  122. This article made me laugh so hard my boyfriend had to come check out what I was reading 😉

  123. Funniest thing you’ve written, and that is saying something. I love the smorgasbord photo at the end…

  124. I enjoyed every second of my reading on this! I always wondered what was in those bags! Definitely funny! i will have to send this to some of my friends now!

  125. This is great!

  126. This was funny! I always wondered what was in those bags. I probably won’t ever buy one now, LOL!

  127. lol

  128. !!! this was stumbled to me and i am so happy! my friend and i almost every thursday pick up one of these mystery bags, and get a huge laugh out of it. Our dollar store is terrible though – some of our lootz has been: a jumprope with 1 handle, a defective loose balloon, eyeshadow that had been previously opened, a girls sequined purse that was falling apart, etc.

    as you can see, they throw the crap into our grab bags….which is why it is sooo funny for us =D

  129. Best laugh I’ve had today. Thanks !!

  130. “If you assembled these decks together to play a game of war, it would actually take longer to complete than the war in Iraq.”

    That got me laughing really hard, I’m glad that I Stumbled upon this. Great article.

  131. What a joke! What a massive pile of absolute shit!

  132. omg I haven’t laughed so hard at a website in ages.

  133. Haven’t seen such dud prizes since I won a huge bottle of plum coloured nail varnish in a bran tub lucky dip at age 12! The description made me laugh.

  134. HILARIOUS! I absolutely loved this… you made my day! 😀

  135. You’re an asshole for saying that stuff about poor people being addicted to meth and having no taste. You shouldn’t look down your nose on discount stores that help non-wealthy families buy what they need. It’s stuck up jerks like you who perpetuate these kind of negative social stereotypes…

  136. I literally laughed until I cried at the green one. I really wish we had grab bags here!

  137. lol, to bad i live in a country where those shops do not exist 🙁

  138. “These grab bags merge poor people’s penchant for surprise with their complete lack of taste.”
    Not all people who are poor lack taste.

  139. and the person posting as Paticus is a complete douchebag.

  140. (to migi)

    I really don’t understand why you projected a offense just so you could rebut it. You must be starving for an argument.

    It was good of you to separate your attention to my shortcomings with that of Erics. That much ill-informed malevolence couldn’t possibly fit in the constraints of a single post. You make the internet a safer place for us all.

  141. I found this hilarious. I too have succumbed to the Dollar Store Grab bag. I got a windsox that lasted a week, a dohickey to go on the sun visor of the car I do not have and a broken spoon. That is what my bag contained. I gave it all away, except the spoon. I kept that to remind me not to repeat experience.

  142. zomg. I want some, too.

    Maybe we can compile statistics on what’s in each bag??

  143. i want the green bag.

  144. I worked at a Dollar Tree and I gotta tell you, this isn’t all that amusing or amazing. They just throw in whatever items have been torn open and left on the floor or damaged items into these “grab bags”. So, really, its not designed to be gender or age specific. Its just the debris that careless shoppers tear open, or allow their children to tear open. You’d be surprised just how many parents I’ve witnessed allow their children to do this RIGHT in front of me, while I’m organizing and fixing up isles.

    Those grab bags are a way to get rid of merchandise before shipping it off to the factory for repackaging.

  145. I would be more willing to play war with you if the prize was the slinky. Awesome article!

  146. Funny article regarding the items purchased but an extremely snotty, snobby attitude to those less fortunate than yourself!

  147. You’re a cunt

  148. Very funny. And I couldn’t agree more about the shoppers in Dollar Stores…a scary bunch right up there with the Walmartians.

  149. Funny post, but a loofah is a gourd that is dried and then used as a body scrubber. I don’t know what those pink plastic things are called, but it’s not a loofah.

  150. BWHAHAHA!
    this is GOLD!
    I couldn’t stop laughing at your descriptions. you made my day hahah
    enjoy the mystery gitch!

  151. Thought the comments about poor people were tasteless and not funny, but the rest of the article was….

  152. You are a poor excuse for a human being.

    Believe it or not, some people are forced to shop at the dollar store (or eat at the soup kitchen, panhandle etc) through very little fault of their own.

    It sure is funny though! Huh, asshat?

  153. Well written.

  154. its a plastic loofah…get over it…also, the guy who wrote this is hillarious. he isnt being elite and superior. hes just funny as shit. if you didnt enjoy reading it, close the window and move on.
    as for me, im still pissing myself. i have to say that 4 decks of cards wasnt nearly as funny as scrolling down and seeing a second 4 sets of cards. i’ve always wondered, now i know, and i thank you for answering that mystery for those of us not bold enough to take that leap ourselves.

  155. This is so funny. It sounds like a Violent Acres post.

  156. You could play a great game of Nertz (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nertz) with all those decks of cards. You just need to get 15 friends together.

  157. Very funny article. It’s great to see that there are still some people out there who have not succumbed to Political Correctness and are not afraid to just have fun! Don’t let the naysayers get you down–just think of all the fun they are missing.

  158. I never buy grab bags from any store. To me it’s garbage that the store cannot get rid of.

  159. Hilarious writing! The language and your sense of humor are very effective. I’ll be back to read more!

  160. That was hilarioussss

  161. This is quite possibly the most awesome blog I’ve read this month!

    For the record though, I grew up poor. From what I remember, we didn’t ever really take things personally. Frankly, most people on here complaining about the “poor jokes” have probably never wondered if they were going to eat that night, or if the rain would come through the ceiling while they slept, or whether or not the layoffs going around would take away their family’s only source of income.

    Those who have been through that usually find humor in everything they can. That’s why people at Wal*Mart are generally nicer than those at Saks Fifth.

    Just saying… Great article!

  162. Thanks for the laughs! 🙂

  163. That was so funny. I wonder if they have these bags in Portland Dollar Trees..

  164. Awesome! I have always wondered what was in those bags – if I would have known about the underwear I would have bought these bags a long time ago – haha

  165. Actually those items aren’t that bad to what my manager stuffs in them. She made a few last night, a bottle of mondo, a fishing pole with no fish for it and a ball that’s supposed to go to a gun.
    And full packs of cards? I’ve seen them stick 5 cards into a bag.

  166. Oh man, this is gold. Dude, you’re a champion!

  167. Thanks for saving me the trouble of eventually thinking to do the same thing you did. ;-D

    On second thought…maybe they have changed the contents of the bags for 2008.

    Ever think of doing a follow-up just to find out? ;-D

    Thanks for the laugh. ;-D

  168. Freaking amazing! Great article… I find it hilarious that they sell 8 packs of cards in those 2 bags for $2 that would individually sell for more.

  169. Hi. I’ve been to the dollar store than before.

  170. im so glad i wasnt the only one in hysterics when reading this artcle!

  171. very funny. but did we really want to know how you feel about the underwear? i

  172. i love to buy those grab bags and laugh at what’s inside. i am also fond of giving them as hate gifts.

  173. Yeah, grab bags are funny, but as a kid I used to get really good ones (stickers, bouncy balls, and last year’s halloween candy, usually) at a drug store near us. I don’t get your comments about family dollar shoppers-you were there, I guess, and a lot of people do need cheap stuff without having a drug problem. You would have been funnier without that commentary…

  174. Are you SURE you didn’t have a heart attack?

    I think I almost did.

    Thanks for the laugh. 🙂

  175. Read the very beginning of A Tree Grows In Brooklyn by Betty Smith. This used to be common practice 100 years ago.

  176. It might be because i’m intoxicated, or the fact that it took me 20 minutes to type this comment without typos, but i laughed my ass off. this was probably the funniest thing ive ever read. Cheers to Ekarj and Svedka vodka with pellegrino and sprite

  177. this was soooo funny! Thanks!

  178. I was giggling as I made my way through the blue and the pink bags. I jumped the gun and looked at the green bag prize and totally lost it. I am still crying and my stomach muscles hurt. I am not sure if it was the undies or the cards but this was a brilliant post!

  179. Funniest commentary I have ever read!

  180. I hope you are happy. My chest and abs now hurt, my throat is sore, and I’m beginning to lose my voice. Just because you had to go and be amusing. As a side note, is that challenge still valid?

  181. As many others, I used to work at Dollar about 4 years ago for the senior work program at my high school. It was soo boring. The stuff in the junk bags are things that would’ve otherwise gone in the damaged bin! These things were absolutely HORRIBLE.

  182. Stunning prizes! I was on the edge of my seat as I read & waited to scroll down to see what the next one was 😉
    Pity I don’t live in the U.S…no chance of such a great deal for me anywhere in the near future, so thanks for sharing the fun!

  183. oh gawd i’ve seen these at my dollar store lol btw the stuff inside isn’t always the same..well they all share that crappy useless value bit though

  184. My friend and I are planning the epic game of war. We only need… six more decks of cards. =)

  185. This is some of the funniest shit I have read in a long time, thank you for writing it!!

  186. LOL! Great article, that’s som funny shit! Keep up the good work. Greetings from Norway.

  187. Hi there — just wanted to say that I Stumbled Upon this site, and I DIED LAUGHING. SO funny.

  188. Ok I don’t usually comment on random internet blogs, but I must commend you.

    This was among the most hilarious things I’ve read all year.

  189. Oh my God, this was so funny.

  190. Hilariously wonderful! Dollar store adventures are the best. Congrats on scoring that sweet pair of underwear – and eight decks o’cards! Hot dog!

  191. One of the funniest things I’ve read in a while. I’m going to become a regular reader.

  192. Considering most decks of playing cards cost more than $1 I’d say you got a right good bargain there. Have a car boot sale and sell the decks on for 50c a pack 😀

  193. I play a card game called “hand and foot” that uses 6 decks. It’s a pretty fun game. you could probably find the directions on the net somewhere.

  194. Hella-good writing. Thank you very much. Glad I StumbledUpon it.

  195. Yes, very funny indeed. Glad i stumbled upon it too!! I would bet one dollar that the green slinky doesn’t slink very well, if at all.

  196. They have these at the dollar store by my grandma’s. Lots if those bags have holes in them, so people would stuff little knicknacks, plushies, etc…into the bags. Make your own ‘surprise’!

  197. Isnt the underwear less than one dollar, because you got the four decks of cards along with it… I insist you pull down this article until it can be corrected.

  198. hahahaaaaaa.
    that was the funniest thing everrr. i’ve always wondered what was in those bags. i guess i will have to wonder no more!! =]

  199. 8 decks of cards…i almost peed my pants

  200. Oh man, I’m crying and laughing…..:’D

  201. I Lol’ed so hard at the underpants. And wow, the girls got really hosed.

  202. i accept your challenge. please bring yourself, your 8 decks of cards, blue underpants and even your new good luck charm to the western side of michigan. i think, when it comes to aimlessly turning over playing cards, you will see that i am far superior to you. i will supply a neutral third party to hold onto the underwear until a victor has been determined.

  203. HAHAHAHA.

    too fucking funny.

    i actually bought those before. my prizes weren’t THAT shitty.

  204. I just noticed all of these comments are on the 8th of the month. WTF?

  205. wow, i’m a retard.

  206. If you had a yardsale and marked each item at 25 cents you’d make enough money to afford the dollar menu at McDonalds! Go capitalism!

  207. As a former employee, I always hated making those bags, blowing up balloons, customers that asked me how much stuff was. And I never saw the green bag while I was there.

  208. Did you hold your nose as you walked in, too? I could actually hear the nasal TOOOOONE as I read this crap.

  209. LOL Michelle…!

  210. Thank you for making me laugh!

  211. Funny as hell! I’ve always wondered what would be in those bags…but neglected to actually purchase one (or three) because usually the only reason that I’m in the Dollar Tree is because I’m broke. Four decks of cards in 1 bag is pretty lame though

  212. Just think of the millions of dollars out there you may have saved consumers, not to mention Lost dollar tree! Thanx for the laugh.

  213. lmao! Fantastic article, I’ll have to see if the Dollar Store With More store has grab bags.

  214. I just had to get up and leave my desk (I’m at work) cause I was literally crying from laughing so much

  215. that;s is so good

  216. very good show

  217. I can’t imagine what you’re complaining about. Four packs of cards for a dollar.A pair of underwear etc. If you threw three fourths of the things away you would still have a great bargain. What on earth did you expect for a dollar. Gold nuggets? I would suggest that you try shopping somewhere else. They won’t give you much for a dollar. Probably won’t even deal with you.

  218. Try buying a deck of cards somewhere else or for that matter a pair of undepants. You must be crazy. Where else could you get such a bargain? God. you spent three dollars.Try spending that somewhere else. You’re not going to get very much. What do cards and underpants cost elsewhere not counting the extras.

  219. Sam and George, Dollar Tree marketing department.

  220. I lol’d pretty hard at this article, thanks

  221. I don’t see your problem with Dollar Store grab bags. I am thankful that I am not one, but for alot of kids and some adults, it probably the highlight of their day.

  222. haha, thanks for the laugh. they have those at my dollar store too. i’ve always wondered what was in them. i expected your findings in the pink and blue bag… but underwear in a green bag? wtf…

  223. BAHAHAHA! That made me crack up so much! I’m from Aus and the closest thing we have to Dollar stores is “2’dollar shops” and most of the time, most of the stuff costs more then $2. But 4 decks of cards, LOL, that is funny, and I mean what are you going to do with 3 empty pink bottles, LOL

  224. Lmao the green bag was clearly intended for transgendered individuals ^_^

  225. Yeah John, I’m sure you’re glad that you’re not a Dollar Store grab bag. I mean, how could you handle the pressure of being an inanimate object all day? How could you live with yourself upon seeing the disappointed faces of the children that have to receive you as a gift? And even worse, how depressing would it be to know that you’re the highlight of someone’s day? Good contribution, John. Good contribution.

  226. Your assignment, SHOULD you choose to accept it: go to sciplus.com and buy the mystery package. Write and article on THAT!

  227. haha that’s the kind of thing i would do..buy a grab bag.

  228. LMAO I never stopped laughing through the whole thing…

  229. OMG i just had to stop myself from DYING LAUGHING at my desk!!! I worked for a Dollar Tree for about 2 years whenI was in high school yet i NEVER knew what went into these bags! I was always amazed by the parents that would come in and say to their kid, “LOOK, suzy! A surprise for a girrrrl!!!!” You’d think i would’ve opened one in all my time there to SEE what was in them (OBVIOUSLY it couldn’t be anything THAT great…Its a DOLLAR STORE! haha!)…But i never did, and i joke with my friends who used to work there about them to this DAY (ten years later), which is how i stumbled upon this article! Well let me tell you, i never would’ve thought the stuff in there was THAT bad!! hahah!!! You are HILARIOUS!!!! Thank you for making my day AND satisfying my curiosity! lol!!!

  230. I laughed so hard my face hurt – Thanks!

  231. Hilarious! Well written.

  232. That was fantastic, and the best laugh I’ve had in a long time. Thanks.

  233. Haha. In all honestly, the most amusing article I’ve read in a fair while. Thanks.

  234. Damn it, honesty. Honestly.

  235. Best article since the Board Games one… Be sure to bring those cards to Poker Night in case 8 games are being played simultaneously. I’ll tell Walton to invite everyone he knows.

  236. I absolutely loved this blog. Makes me want to go to the neighborhood Dollar Tree and see what kind of luck I have at the grab bags LOL. Underwear?!?!? Those bags are something that my parents would tell us to pick out when we were kids just to shut us up. I would have cried if I got a pair of underwear LOL

  237. Can i have a pack of cards…
    Mine were taken away from me and now i just can’t shake the feeling of loss entangled within the event that made me lose all my cards

  238. WOW…Too funny but true. I seen them myself… I wanted to take a chance like you did but once I saw all the junk that was laying around the entire rack I said to myself that isn’t even worth ten cents..You where brave I give you alot of credit for that one lol…! Now I can use a deck of cards to LOL! Like to play solitare

  239. can i buy the boy girl bags with nothing in them for family reunion

  240. Haha…wonderful article!

  241. It’s funny because all poor people are bad, if they were good people, they wouldn’t be poor obviously. Money is what’s important after all, if you don’t have any, it’s because you’re an arsehole. It’s lucky that the author is the richest person in the universe, else someone might scoff at his purchases and deem his lifestyle hilarious in the saddest of ways.
    But hey, it’s just satire right? It’s not like anyone is still poor though no fault of their own. It’s lucky no one is actually forced to live on the street or buy crappy toys for their kids because they’ve no where to turn to seek help. This would be in bad taste if that was still the case, but luckily it’s not, so keep on equating “poor” with “bad”!

  242. Are you fucking serious? You found something to get offended over in THIS article. REALLY? You must be one of those bleeding hearts that thinks political correctness is the best thing that happened to humanity and anyone who can hold back the bitch tears long enough to make a statement about something that might be construed as offensive is an ‘ist’ or an ‘ism’. You’re probably over-sensitive about the environment and failing at life because you spend too much time participating in blatantly obvious look-how-much-I-care events like ‘rallies’ and ‘movements’ instead of things like washing yourself and actually pursuing education outside of ecology classes.

    The world will be a better place when people stop being so fucking sensitive about shit that doesn’t even matter. I’d still laugh at this if I were poor, because I’m not a fucking PUSSY. Eric actually bought those bags, perhaps what you should be taking away from this is that maybe he considers himself part of the ‘poor’ class, too, and he wanted to write a commentary on the ridiculousness of his available options. Even if that’s not the case, who really, REALLY cares? “Classism” doesn’t exist by virtue of people highlighting other people’s situations. It exists because people like YOU put so much emphasis on labels to the point where you fucking cry about it. Labels exist, and will continue to do so, until we are all in the exact same situation, which won’t ever happen. EVER. Why cringe about something you can’t control?

    Still, I’m just as guilty for it, nothing makes me cringe more than someone with a statement to make and no force behind their blows. I continue to try and tune you people in but it will never be to any long-term effect. Maybe I’m just too optimistic about redeeming the human race from ridiculousness.

  243. Very entertaining article! I just bought one of my friends the girl grab bag, so now I’m excited to see what’s in it. I’ll know it’s lame if there are 4 packs of playing cards inside of it though.

  244. Thank you. For just 3 dollars, you’ve added priceless years to my life.

  245. Thank you this article was worth more than $3 of laughs!!! Plus you just saved me from buying these bags for my 5 year old nephew’s bday party LOL imagine the look on one of those kids faces if they got a pair of adult underwear LOL

  246. Wow, absolutely hilarious. Best laugh ive had in a while

  247. Lol…i actually work and the dollar tree, and those grab bags are made with all the merchandise that customers like you open and leave laying all over the store. So instead of putting a new tag on it, we put it in grab bags and sell it at a dicounted price…those pink bottles are a toy bath set for girls dolls. The only mystery is why you think that the only people that wish to save money are “meth mommys” and poor people? Granted, if we all had money and talked like we were the coolest person to ever grace the planet, dollar tree would be out of buisness and id have to find a new job, however, the reality is some people have more means than others, and some people are not arrogont and bitter and dont mind buyin things like reading glasses, napkins, picture frames, batteries and countless other decent products for a dollar instead of five elsewhere….my advise to you? Trade shoes with a “poor person” like me or countless others in the world and try to realize that you are no better than anyone….

  248. Oh, get a sense of humor.

    Also, how are a bunch of bottles a bath set for dolls? (What exactly is a bath set?) Are you supposed to take a bath with the dolls? I am confused.

  249. I’ve had a couple of posts hit stumble upon and nobody ever bothered to comment, I vowed (well maybe not vowed, but thought about it) that I would be different. Very funny post. Just the right amount of edge. Also are you planning on wearing the underwear you are putting up in the epic war game? That could make for quite the walk of shame .

  250. LOOOOOOL…
    So, I live in Washington D.C. We don’t have Dollar Trees here, but when I was a kid, I used to visit my grandmother in southern West Virginia…Everytime I went there, I used to get one of those bags…hahahahahahahahahaha

  251. Comments on the bags were fun. On the people who shop there, not so much. Pretty elitist.a

  252. The grab bags are a stupid thing for sure, but who are you to judge families that Shop at Dollar tree. When you have a family of 4 and money is tight for what ever reason it can save Christmas if your kids are under the age of 7-8. While my daughter was potty training if she went a week with no accidents we would take her to dollar tree to pick out a toy. The Azea makeup they carry is hypoallergenic, and at a dollar much more reasonable than most. There is nothing wrong with shopping at dollar tree, just as there is nothing wrong with wanting to save money.

  253. @ Martha, it’s a just a cheap shot joke. You shouldn’t take jokes, in a joke article, on a website dedicated to joking so seriously.

  254. awesome, I like your delivery. and I think everyone can relate…Everyone!!!

  255. So hilarious!!! You writing is awesome, thank you!!

  256. Mine is not, obviously…. * You’re

  257. Found this on Stumble upon and cannot stop laughing. Thank you for making my day!!!

  258. I am dying with laughter. Your page is a HOOT. ROFLMAO!!! Well done 🙂

  259. Seems every elitist cunt has a blog nowadays…

  260. Absolutely hilarious! Great writing mate, although your font size got a bit jumbled about the end. This article had me in tears. Although, now I wonder why they were discontinued, as I actually enjoyed these grab bags!

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