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I don’t know why I never realized this as a child, but “Toys ‘R’ Us” is an absolute grammatical nightmare. In 7 short letters, they managed to violate nearly every rule of the English language. And just what are they trying to communicate in this street jive of theirs? “We Are Toys”? Go fuck yourself, Geoffrey, that doesn’t even make any sense. “Babies ‘R’ Us” works a little better, considering you could kind of imagine a baby constructing such a poorly-worded sentence, if babies somehow figured out how to talk. But are you really naming your store “We Are Babies”? Who says that? Guess what, I was kind of hoping there was an adult salesperson around who could sell me some fucking baby clothes. Or at the very least a baby salesperson who can speak without using illiterate gang jargon.

Comments (14) to “Toys ‘R’ Us”

  1. Technically it’s “Toys “Я” Us”. True, he misplaced quotation marks are a bit kitschy, but they make up for it by having single-handedly inspired millions* of budding entrepeneurs to learn to type reversed R’s for the sake of complete accuracy in their business reports.


  2. Toys R Us inspired my first truly critical thinking at the age of nine. Remember the movie Blank Check? Well, I spent many hours pondering why Toys R Us wasn’t Preston’s first and last stop on his shopping spree. He wanted cars, parties, etc., wtf, that was the one aspect that made that movie absolutely unbelievable.

  3. I thought “Toys ‘R’ Us” was somehow supposed to translate to “Toys for us”.

    Because there is a ‘ on both sides of the R indicating a letter missing both sides. Thus it actually makes sense!

  4. How in the hell does that make it make sense? If the apostrophes are to imply missing letters on either side of R, you’re not going to end up with “for.” R is the last letter of for, not the middle letter. It’s probably a pun on “are”: we are toys. It’s meant to suggest that they’re experts in the toy businesses, as if their child customers are going to decode this linguistic tomfoolery.

  5. Yeah and what’s the deal with Kash n’ Karry?

  6. I’ve never heard of Kash n’ Karry, but it sounds sketchy as hell. It reminds me of something I’d see in East Oakland. There are neighborhoods in Oakland that are literally comprised of nothing but check cashing places and nail salons. Like eighteen nail salons right in a row, it’s incredible. But they do a fantastic job on my nails.

  7. What do you WHAAAAT? A chain of retailers dedicated to guilting consumerist parents of accidental humans into spending money they don’t have on things they don’t need is supposed to make SENSE?

    These parents couldn’t even figure out how to use birth control, for the love of lekvar!

  8. Clearly, they had more options:

    Toys = Us
    Tenemos Juguetes (for Spanish speaking countries/regions)
    Toys? That’s Us!
    Toys 4 U
    There Are Toys Here
    Here You Find Toys
    We Have Toys
    Toys(Who Has Them?)= We Do
    Toys 4 Ya’ll
    We Got Toys
    The Toys Are Here

    To Saya: The toys are not for them. The toys are for you. They are the toys.

  9. Or,

    Geoffrey Giraffe’s Contraband Stockpile of Toys For All!

  10. Wait!?!?!

    Ueli, how the fuck do I type a backwards R? I’ve got an MBA thesis to turn in tomorrow.

    Saya, those were the good ‘ol days, back in ’73 when you could leave a letter or group of letters off and replace them with an ” ‘ “. Unfortunately, those were the only two examples I could think of on the spot.

    DollarDollar Bill, you forgot “Toys – we’re like totally made of ‘em” (hah, pulled ‘nother two out of my ass) and “Get you’re fucking toys here”



  11. here there be toys

  12. Though titling a store as such may be morally dubious for sanctioning poor grammar and spelling in the minds of impressionable children, what you take the most issue with, its intended meaning, is not what you suspect it to be. The fundamental error you make while interpreting their error is that the R is supposed to mean “or.” Seen in this light, “Toys or Us” is short hand for the full blown first conditional “We’ll pay the price if we don’t have toys.” Whatever the price may be is anybody’s guess, but it falls inline with expressions like “California or bust” on a hitch-hiker’s cardboard sign.

  13. My daughter who is now 18 called it “Toys are Mine”. I don’t know if she made this up or heard it somewhere.

  14. I could stay with him. Since I left I was disowned by my dad bcesuae I wasn’t into religion as he is and for a couple other reasons that aren’t really necessary, but I had a terrible childhood with him anyways. My mom; out of the picture. Things started going terrible with my uncle, tried to get me into hard drugs as he was, as well as something else and I ended up leaving their immediately and since then I was on the streets and I pretty much just gave up.I know that’s a pretty sad excuse..It was for about a month and almost 3 weeks. I was walking off the skytrain and this guy walked by me and looked at me funny and it was definitely hard to miss..I didn’t think much of it, but then about 20 seconds later he walked back and said he’s seen me around a few times and asked if I wanted to go get something to eat with him and I said sure. We went to subway and he got me something and we started talking and he immediately asked me what happened? as he knew I was homeless I guess and I explained to him. We talked a lot and he asked me If I was Romanian..Its in my background so he was right and I asked why and he said you just look it as I am too, but we both don’t speak it.Basically we went around and talked for a few hours after eating and he was really interesting and he seemed REALLY interested in me which I thought was extremely strange, he looked wealthy and extremely physically attractive. He brought me to his apartment and before I went in I asked if he was a pimp bcesuae I’ve been approached a couple other times and completely avoided it, and he laughed and said no I’m not and pulled out his ID and it showed he was 17, so he was almost 5 years younger then me, I thought he was AT LEAST 25, absolutely no way I thought he could have been 17 by the way he was developed and how he carried himself ..We went in and he lived alone, nicely set up but of course not a new apartment but it was still nice, and he said you can stay here, its safer for you then being outside, and I didn’t really know what to say and he insisted saying its really okay..I just of course felt a little bad but I said okay. He trusted me completely, set up blankets on the couch for me to sleep and said you can stay here as long as you want. I asked him why are you doing this for me and he told me I just see something special in you ..I’ve been here for 12 days now, he insisted buying me clothes and some stuff I needed, he even went out with me to help me find a job, and I start working on Saturday..Everyday he takes me out and we go eat and spend all his free time with me, he even got my a gym pass and he takes me to the gym every night and we go swimming after..I’m 5’3 about 105lbs but I’d like to gain a bit of muscle so he shows me a lot which is really cool.. we talk about everything and I asked why he is living alone and he explained he had a bad and abusive childhood and has been on his own since 15, his older brother is in jail for murdering his mother and his dad is dead too, and that he has NO family. He works from 9 to 4, he works for the city and told me he met someone who was a senior who is a manager for the city or something and hired him bcesuae of his situation, and he literally works his butt off to keep it bcesuae of the pay and the benefits, and after we go right to the gym to work out, and then when we get back he does a bit of schooling online for a couple hours that he lets me help him with a bit too.Even though I’ve known him for 12 days or so, we just get a long so well and I didn’t expect anything like this to ever happen. I’m just confused in a way why he’s interested in me, not trying to brag or anything but I can see him being with some high maintnence blonde barbie doll girl with fake breasts or any girl he wants really :S I have shorter brown hair and Ive never even been one to wear makeup I just dont like to.. he’s such a hard working person and responsible for his age, doesn’t seem to have many friends though but he says he has a couple close ones but thats about it..Is he interested in me in a relationship way? I just don’t know..He always looks in my eyes when he talks to me though, so I guess that can be a hint..We watch movies at night but we don’t cuddle or anything and I’d really like to honestly but we do sit close, how can I bring it up, or if I just rested my head on his shoulder, would it be a bad idea? I still sleep on the couch, how would he react if I went into his room at night and asked if I could sleep with him just so we can cuddle or give affection? I don’t want him to think the wrongidea, bcesuae I’m NOT that kind of girl we both had bad childhoods and we can relate a lot about lots of things, we both dont do drugs either and about the age, it doesnt matter to me at all..We’re in Canada as well so nothing is illegal. I’m just wondering if he is looking for a relationship or not, and if it would be a good idea if I made a move as in asking to cuddle or anything like that, I just don’t want things to get awkward but honestly I know he’s really comfortable with me and I’m comfortable with him as well as we talk just about everything together, there isn’t anything we’re not comfortable talking about and we joke around a lot as well. He explained that I can live with him for as long as you want and never to be afraid of asking for anything bcesuae he’ll help me no matter what and that he knows how it feels to be homeless and how hard it can be. For example he works lots and then at the gym real hard afterwards and I can tell he’sreally exhausted when we get home..what if I offered to give him a massage oranything like that? I just want to know if it would be a good idea or not to ask him if he would like me to give him any affection at all, bcesuae I know he’s never really receieved any when he was younger..as I didn’t really eitherand oh for example when we go swimming we play around and stuff and we’ve touched eachother’s body but not sexually of course, but in the pool..and for the last 4 days or so we sit on the couch together oppose to sitting on opposite couches little things like that.I also told him when I start working I’m going to be helping with rent and utilities, I could honestly say we trust each other 100% even if it’s that fast..And he accepted that I will help pay and he is fine with that.

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