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Wickensworth

Excavating a time capsule is the most satisfying activity conceivable. It’s so frustrating, though. Why aren’t I currently unearthing a time capsule? Why couldn’t people from exactly 50 years ago have spent a mere half-hour fixing me up a little care package? 1958’s junk would have been my absolute treasure. But people from the past were too selfish to think about me in this fashion.

There’s really no reason we shouldn’t be constantly unearthing time capsules, one after the other. Just imagine if people from 1908 had thought to bury time capsules for us on a daily basis—like every morning, just have all the townspeople throw some shit in a barrel. Such a simple daily chore, and yet how much would we have benefited? Everyday would have been like an old-timey Christmas. We’d be cracking each other up with their amusing everyday objects, twirling their parasols and pretending to enjoy their tedious marble games. And each day would be a complete surprise—we’d never know what hilarious antiquated relics would be awaiting us. By ignoring our appetite for time capsule, the past has deprived us of endless joy. That’s why I think we would be completely justified to start snooping around in their graves.

Comments (18) to “Time capsules”

  1. I’d like to take this moment to tell you want really sucks about time capsuls – they always leak. I’ve been involved in two “unearthings” both were the cornerstones of old buildings and all the stuff was waterlogged. This made the semi interesting newspapers, etc. the capsuls contained masses of uninteligable garbage. Foiled agian!

  2. Haha, the grave-robbing bit totally caught me off guard.

    Jo: Clearly saran wrap should have been invented sooner. =P

  3. Nothing of the “past” ever existed. Today began this morning. Everything you “remember”, or studied as “history” is a fabrication. It is and was all created as a framework to fool you. Go on now, liberated from time.

  4. And with this, you have earned yourself a place on my Speed Dial. I will now forever refer to this site as Ctrl-7 inside my mind.

  5. ive got a time capsule that’s been in the wall of my friend’s house for 11 years now. she keeps saying we should open it, but i don’t want to be embarrassed by crap that 9 year olds put in a time capsule. i do want my metal box back though. hmm.

  6. It might be hard to clean the poop out after 11 years. Better just leave it there.

  7. i was actually thinking back to stupid things we did in elementary school and remembered the HUGE event we made out of doing a class time capsule. it was to be set to be unearthed and opened in the oh so futuristic year 2000, where the whole world would be different and look at the things in complete awe. but to be realistic, its probably full of shit like michael jackson cassettes, a pair of skidz pants, and pictures of old shitty cars from the 80s. and i still listen to michael jackson, only on my ipod, and i probably have one of the shitty 80s cars there is a picture of, and my work pants for cooking are skidz.

    so in the end, time capsules were a giant waste of time.

  8. assball, that was weak

  9. Another ekarj update, another boner.

  10. Give him a break mykl. His parents named him assball.

  11. alright, but only because you were given a sweet name like paticus.

  12. I wouldn’t even know what a time capsule was if it wasn’t for the extremely awesome game ‘Day of the Tentacle’. Guess I live a sheltered life.

  13. But, you can open a time capsule only once ever. After that, it’s over. Kind of like an orgasm. You’ll never get that one back again. OK, how about the idea of a VIRTUAL time capsule? Hmm?

  14. “Why couldn’t people from exactly 50 years ago have spent a mere half-hour fixing me up a little care package?”

    They did. Search on “Superfund sites.”

  15. wildfoxes wrote:

    But, you can open a time capsule only once ever. After that, it’s over. Kind of like an orgasm. You’ll never get that one back again. OK, how about the idea of a VIRTUAL time capsule? Hmm?

    You are the enemy of fun. Why not open, take out the valuable stuff, seal it up and make everyone in your future think the people in your past (and probably their’s, barring some time shift paradigm(paradigm, probably isn’t even the correct word here (and how do you feel about parenthesis inside of other parenthesis? (i.e. (a(b(c(d)))) ) ), or other time space anomaly)

    ;-D

    .

  16. I got so carried away with the space time continuum and parenthesis, that I forgot to finish the shit outside of the parenthesis…

    … just put a lot of useless, valueless shit in time capsules to piss off EKARJ when he did find one and wanted to open it.

    Someone should print this blog post and associated comments, neatly wrap them in Saran Wrap® (I know how to make that “R”) and then people from the future, or a bent past, could know why the fuck they keep finding moldy shit in the corners of buildings…assuming they weren’t all torn down and replaced with nature.

    ;-D

    .

  17. oh, and what the fuck is it with you and orgasms?

    Have another. You’re not supposed to collect them, you’re supposed to enjoy them in the morning.

    Come over and I’ll show you what I mean. (Unless you’re a dude, then you shouldn’t be lamenting on orgasms, cuz they should be like breathing only with your hand(s) < see I did it again)

    ;-D

  18. moment, not morning… OK, I’m leaving this page, I swear.

    ;-D

    .

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