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Wickensworth

It’s not fair watching today’s grade school children flounce around with both of their backpack straps in use. I always feel compelled to sneak up from behind and yank one of their straps off. It’s a little thing called humility. When I was in elementary school, one wouldn’t think of slinging both straps across one’s shoulders. Only changelings used both straps. Then in middle school, when it became permissible to use both straps, these losers finally started using a single strap, which always made me chuckle. Some people simply can’t keep up with backpack fashions.

Actually, I’m not sure why it was ever fashionable to utilize only one strap. I think it was meant to imply, “I may be going to school, but I can’t fully commit to wearing a backpack. Something could come up that’s more important than school, and I might not have time to remove both of my straps.” As an adult I realize that there’s nothing “cool” or “hip” about putting undue strain on your rotator cuff. But I still feel like yanking backpack straps off children’s shoulders, and maybe pushing them around a bit.

Comments (13) to “Backpack straps”

  1. that is some funny shit, and so true. it wasn’t till high school that i started using both straps, and it was a difficult transition to make.

  2. I just bookmarked your site under my “Stalky” folder. Hmm, hello!

  3. I love you.

  4. I have a backpack that I use when going to a coffee shop for a few hours. Just toss in a couple books, a magazine, nintendo ds, Ipod and headphons.

    I still refuse to use both straps.

    Holdouts of the world unite!

  5. I’m in high school, and I tend to switch it up every now and again. It really all depends on how much crap you have to lug to school, which in turn depends on what subjects you have that day…

    On a side note, I found your site through a long series of links that I lost track of somewhere in the middle, (I tend to do this if I’m up around 1 AM) and it’s absolutely amazing.

  6. I love you, too. May your tribe increase ect.

  7. woah, I forgot all about that. in New Zealand, the 80’s it was the same thing. I remember that bag was heavy, but both straps was out of the question.

  8. You’re aging yourself here–the cool kids today all have carpet bags. It doesn’t have straps, so if you have textbooks you’ll probably end dragging it behind you like a dead dog on a leash, but it’ll show everyone that you go to school of your own free will and only for irony’s sake, much like why you carry around the ugly, cumbersome bag that smells like moldy potatoes.

  9. My backpack levitates itself.

  10. Ha! nice. I had a time where I used only one strap to try to be cool, but I realized that the problem was a whole lot more complex than a nuance of backpack use. So I gave up and let utility or laziness decide how many straps I used on my backpack. Four is the record. On a similar note, I tried picking up smoking to be cool too. I quickly realized that frequent and sudden projectile vomiting and constant profuse sweating was far less cool than simply not smoking.

  11. This is interesting, i haven’t seen this going on in my generation but lately it seems that it’s become popular to wear your backpack with both straps really tight so it’s right against your back, at least at my school it is like this.

  12. in high school it was cool to have your straps the longest so that the backpack was hanging somewhere around your butt, I kept doing this my first year in college and I noticed nobody did it there so I stopped. I dont think any other high school did it except for our little ghetto schools.

  13. ive always found two straps uncomfortable, even though i refuse to use my locker OR clean my backpack, and end up lugging a 60 pound sack of shit around.

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