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Wickensworth

The other evening I came upon this very troubling two-page print advertisement:

Pravda ad 1

It’s an innocent enough question, but one that would dominate my thoughts well into the night: “Why is this top model giving her friend Pravda Vodka?” My first thoughts were, “Well how the fuck should I know? Is it his birthday?” But then I began to truly study the photo, and that was my mistake. What kind of friends are these, exactly? Why are we being so coy here? The disconnect between the text and the photograph, coupled with the enigmatic headline, gave me what has become a very serious depression.

Here is the second page:

Pravda ad 2

Oh, the top model is giving her friend Pravda vodka because she is knowledgeable about the 2004 World Beverage Championship, OK. Well that makes sense. Except for one small unresolved issue: Why the fuck is she giving her friend a present? I understand that she selected Pravda vodka as opposed to other vodkas—I think it’s a bullshit reason, but at least there’s some sort of logic behind it. But that’s not that question you’ve asked, Pravda, and you know that. You may as well say, “The top model is giving her friend a gift of Pravda vodka because he is too old to receive an electric train set.”

It’s possible that the answer is some kind of joke, that Pravda finds it amusing to sidestep their question with their peculiar, highly-affected text, but I for one am not laughing. Oh, I’ll purchase the occasional bottle of Pravda Vodka because of this advertisement—you’ve won that round, Pravda, if me buying your product was in fact your intent. But if earning my respect was your intent, I would please like to know what this little jerk did to deserve his gift of delicious, world-class vodka—indeed the very best vodka of all.

Comments (9) to “A peculiar vodka advertisment”

  1. You are insane, but hilarious! 🙂 I like your analysis because it shows no mercy.

  2. Phallic vodka! Look how she’s holding it – up and to the left.

  3. Nobody’s too old for an electric train set.

  4. Jason: Actually, that’s true. In fact I don’t even know where to buy an electric train set–certainly not at a toy store. But sometimes I have to use weird analogies in cases were it produces an amusing mental image for me. In this case I was delighted by the image of this guy racing his little train set, half-drunk off vodka, still wearing his little suit. He likes his train set so much he actually opens his eyes to play with it. When I get old the type of old man I’m going to be is the type with an electric train set permanently set up in his basement, and gradually it’s going to consume my entire house. Then I’m going to rig up a little train to retrieve the mail from my mailbox every day at 4pm, and rig up other trains to serve me breakfast and lunch (dinners will be held at The Old Country Buffet). Then I’m going to act really paranoid whenever somebody visits, and I’m going to accuse them of trying to take my trains. But it’s all just in fun–I’m not actually going to be paranoid. I’m just going to be very passionate about my electric train set.

  5. The funniest thing i have ever read. Saw the ad myself and spent 3 hours discussing it and went out and bought a bottle. Now I kind of want a train set

  6. I want her to jerk off my train set.

  7. i really like your comments guys 🙂 I was just checking for an answer for this advertisement because it is in my psychology book and i thought thats weird 🙂 but im happy i found that link 🙂 its really funny 🙂

  8. i wanna be that jerk, any top model girl out there wants give me a pravda
    casanovacullen@hotmail.com

    find me at facebook LOL

  9. Wheres my automatic train set that masterbaits me….. i want one.and ill buy 1000000 for it if i have to and if it comes with that bae

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