So I got my new computer yesterday. When I woke up this morning, that thing had made me an All-American breakfast with a side-order of biscuits. The eggs were a little salty, but otherwise it was a good meal.

Thursday in gym, we had to run the mile, and I was all, “Hey, what’s up with this?” The thing I don’t like about running is that the faster you run, the more like shit you feel like afterward. I think feeling like shit is your body’s way of telling you, “Hey, dumbass! Don’t run so fast!” I mean, we really don’t need to run anymore. That’s why they invented hoverboards.