January 14, 2001: Cap 10
For those of you who don’t know, Cap 10 is a sparkling mineral water that tastes like how water would taste if water tasted like crap. The first time I had it, I was repulsed, and I wondered why people would buy something like that. For some reason, however, I began to put just a little bit of the sparkling water into a lot of various juices that I drank. Even though this practice made those juices taste worse than they normally did, I gradually increased the percentage of Cap 10 until it was at about the 50% level. A few short months later, I was chugging down raw bottles of Cap 10 left and right, and these days I have a full bottle near my bed at all times. According to its Nutrition Facts, all there is in Cap 10 is a little bit of sodium and some calcium, but I think they forgot to mention all the cocaine they include in the drink.
Thank God for Martin Luther King. If there were 364 people just like him, I’d never have to go to class. Also, as an added bonus, there wouldn’t be any hatred or prejudice.