In the Residence Hall I’m living in this year, people actually lock the bathroom and shower doors, which means that I have to unlock the door every time I need to spend a penny. I don’t understand this precaution. What the hell are they worried about happening if they keep the bathroom doors unlocked? Somebody sneaking and stealing a quick piss? Honestly, that wouldn’t affect me in any way. Community bathrooms are just simply one of those rooms that you don’t need to lock.

I also feel that planners and notebooks could do without including a list of “frequently misspelled words,” because no one ever consults this mysterious chart. Nobody’s ever been like, “Oh, I can’t spell ‘conscience’! What am I going to—wait! Frequently misspelled words, you’ve saved me once again!” Additionally, I don’t need the following in my notebooks: multiplication tables, linear measurement conversions and graphical listings of time zones in the USA. Come to think of it, I don’t really need the notepaper either. Christ, I shouldn’t have bought so many damn notebooks.

Incidentally, I now have what the kids call “AIM” on my computer, so if anybody wants to chew the fat with me while I’m for some reason on the “internet,” I am listed as wickensworth. I prefer goat fat, but any fat will do as long as isn’t baboon fat. I can’t stand baboon fat.

Speaking of baboon fat, it’s good to see that adamkangas.com is back on the trolley. I don’t know how that relates to baboon fat, but I couldn’t think of a better segue. Keep up with the Kool-Aid metaphors, Adam! Kool-Aid is both poetic and delicious! Oh hell yeah!